Timing

I feel I must clarify something from my last post. While all the things I said were true, I am and will be eternally grateful for that ache in my heart. Why, you ask? Because that ache tells me something very important and is the greatest gift I could receive at this point in our adoption. The ache tells me that The Lord is already bonding my heart to his. HE is growing a love for this sweet baby boy inside me that can truly only come from Him. It is evidence that my heart is being prepared to bring our newest son home as a member of our family forever. The ache is real...but so is the joy, because I know what that ache means.

In other news...Our birth mother, "M" is now just over halfway through her pregnancy! Tomorrow marks 18 weeks till little man's due date! 18 more Mondays. That's really not that many. Though I have secretly been praying for a few things when it comes to delivery.

See, because he will be born in another state there is a process called ICPC that must be completed befor we can come home to Missouri. This is basically termination of parental rights, his birth state saying he can leave and Missouri saying he can come. There's more to it, but that's the gist. This process generally takes 10-14 days. That being said, little man's due date is March 11. Andy's brother, Adam is marrying is awesome fiancé on March 15! Yay for them! Panic for me :/ That is only 4 days later! See, I love love love my family and being ALL together is a challenge. Their wedding is the perfect time for us to see extended family members. I would love nothing more than for our little family of 4 to be there all together. So, one of my secret prayers (not so secret anymore) is that my little man is nice and healthy and fully developed a little bit early (like 2ish weeks!) and that ICPC goes through exceptionally fast. You are welcome to join me in that if you wish. Again, God is teaching me that He is in control. I can't choose the date our son is born, and I can't make ICPC go any quicker. I have to choose to trust His timing and be ok with the outcome, no matter what.

Another prayer I have, that truly supersedes the previous is this: that our birth mother would request he be placed in our care from the hospital. This may seem obvious, but the state he will be born in requires a baby to go to a certified foster family of that state unless the mother requests differently. We cannot be certified because we do not reside in that state. Her request of his placement means getting a court order signed by a judge allowing us to bring him into our care immediately. There are many reasons I desire this to happen, but the main one being that we are already removing him from the sounds and smells familiar to him, after being born into a big, cold, scary world. If he comes directly into our care we can establish safety and security with our voices and smells right away. If not, he has to make that transition twice. Again, I have to trust The Lord to protect my little boy's heart and emotions no matter how that goes but my mommy heart wants to take him in my arms and not let go until he knows that I am here forever and he can trust me to care for him and meet his every need. I want to hold him when he cries, feed him when he's hungry, bathe him, snuggle him, and sing him to sleep. I have not doubt he ill be cared for in foster care if that's what happens. I know he will be loved. My heart simply longs to be the one to show him that love and care.