Well, I have now neglected my blog for over 2 months. Oops! My goodness how time gets away with a little one around! To my mommy friends who keep up with their blogs after bringing home baby...I bow down! :) Ok, maybe not bow. But I am most definitely impressed. Part of why I haven't written is because there are so many things I want to talk about and I have had a hard time deciding where to start.
How to help adoptive parents while they are traveling to get their little ones, stateside and internationally.
Transitions to multiple children from one.
Birth parent interactions and relationships.
Things people say and how I choose to respond.
Judgmental parenting.
Foster Care and how you can help.
Where to start?!
So I decided to start easy and cover the other topics as I have time.
Many of you have asked how things are going, so I want to do my best to give you a honest look at how life with my 2 boys has been the past 2 1/2 months.
First off, Josiah is doing fabulous! I cannot even begin to tell you the joy I felt at seeing him run down the hotel hallway in Kentucky! I also cannot begin to tell you the pain in my heart when he hid behind his daddy because he hadn't seen me in 17 days. Or how sad it made me to realize how quickly I had forgotten all the little details in his sweet face. Even watching videos of him and going through pictures multiple times a day, I had forgotten his round little face and how his sweet giggle sounded in my ears. Punch in the gut! How does a mother "forget" all of these little things so quickly?! How terrible must I be that my baby seemed so different to me in just a short amount of time?! However, this quickly faded. When we brought Josiah into the room to meet Timothy he didn't have much to say, but his actions told us quickly that he loved his baby brother. I held Josiah on my lap, then helped him hold Timothy. When Andy took Timothy away Josiah simply said "No." Not defiantly, not whiny, but a way that said "This is my brother and I'm not going to let him go." His connection and devotion to Timothy was immediate. He frequently wanted to know exactly where Timothy was and how he could help him feel better. We had a wonderful weekend with my grandparents, who traveled with Andy and Josiah. We went to an amazing park on the riverfront, walked around downtown, ate at a local restaurant, and had lots of snuggles in our room. It truly could not have gone any more smoothly. ICPC was cleared SO quickly after court and on Monday we were headed home! The boys traveled wonderfully and we got to sleep in our OWN beds...for 4 nights.
Our lives got hectic again for a few days as we traveled to KC for Andy's brother's wedding. We got to introduced Timothy to lots of extended family and Josiah performed perfectly in his role as ring bearer :)
When we returned, Timothy got a slight cold, but thankfully it didn't turn into anything serious and after a few days at home and some TLC from mommy, daddy and grandma he was feeling better.
2 weeks later we traveled to KC yet again for one of my best friend's wedding. Josiah got some great "mama-papa" time this weekend as well.
FINALLY, after this trip we were able to settle in as a family of 4 with a more "normal" schedule.
Josiah continued to check on Timothy frequently, making sure he had his paci, helping me feed him, standing close when I changed him, etc. The first time Josiah and I went somewhere without Timothy he said "We lost him! I miss my Timothy!" It was so sweet. Of course we have moments where Josiah wants my attention and has to wait, but overall I could not have imagined a smoother transition.
And Timothy. Well, he's just perfect :) He sleeps very well, waking only once a night (typically). He is super snuggly and his favorite thing is to hang out in the Moby wrap all cuddled in next to mommy. He also loves to lay on his boppy and look around. This is usually where he hangs out while I work out. I'm sure he's laughing on the inside at how ridiculous I look from that angle :) Maybe TMI, but many have asked. Timothy takes a combination of formula and breast milk from a friend of mine. He is growing like a weed (as you can see from facebook pictures) and has doubled his birth weight already. He gives us little smiles here and there, but is a pretty serious kid. But his eyes, oh you can see so much in his eyes. They are bright and curious and you can just see him taking in everything around him as quickly as possible. He is laid back until he's hungry, then you KNOW he's hungry, and he makes the most adorable facial expressions and noises when he sleeps.
Our families simply love Timothy and he gets lots and lots of love all around.
As a mom, there are definitely days where I feel like I've failed. Like I don't have enough hands, enough attention, enough patience, enough determination, enough of myself to give adequately to both of my boys. There are days where we watch Frozen, sometimes twice, because I just need to get things done and one or the other needs me every moment. There are days where we just stay home in our jammies, stay in bed watching Wheels on the Bus till 9:00, and read books/play all day. My goal is to meet the emotional and physical needs of my boys. For now, that means we stay home a lot. We laugh, we learn together, we play, we count to ten and sing our ABC's 27 times in a row, we go to the park and we bond. While I have seen an attachment between Timothy and Josiah from the beginning it is important to me that their brotherly bond is strong and secure. This means a lot quality time together, just us. While I feel somewhat disconnected from our social group and I have days where I miss adult interaction, I feel more strongly about our family connection with Timothy so it's worth the sacrifice for now. I also feel strongly that Josiah feel secure in knowing that I will always come back to him. Because toddlers don't have the ability to articulate their feelings accurately we do not always give value to what they may be experiencing. When we returned from KY Josiah was very clingy and very concerned when I left him. I needed to use the past 2 months to re-establish his security that when I leave I will not stay gone for days or weeks on end. The time apart had more of an impact on him than I can say. It may not make sense to others, and it may not be obvious, but I know my first born. I know when he is worried, I know when he is scared or insecure, I know when he needs extra assurance. He is beginning to return to his normal self, looking forward to Sunday School and being OK with sitters. I am thankful for this change and our establishment of a new "normal."
