Getting closer!

 Our son is due in just 13 weeks! Oh my goodness! When I think of all there is to do between now and then my heart jumps around with excitement, panic, worry, happiness, then I eat chocolate :)

I have spent the past week baking the perfect goodies to send to his birth parents and trying to come up with the perfect words to write in their Christmas card, which choosing in and of itself had me shaking in the card aisle in Target. Literally, my hands were shaking and my heart was pounding trying to choose the perfect one. I don't know if I did, but the package is mailed now so there is no turning back!

So in the next thirteen weeks we will celebrate Christmas (twice), undecorate the house, host Andy's amazing parents for a weekend, host another set of fantastic friends another weekend, I will host 2 wedding showers, visit tiny boy's birth parents (eek!), paint Josiah's room, get Josiah a fancy shirt and tie so he can walk down the aisle in Andy's brother, Adam's wedding, (still praying i can be there!) restock the new nursery with tiny diapers and diaper cream, get the bassinet ready to go, set up the swing (lifesaver when Josiah was tiny), pack a go bag, pack up baby necessities for a potential 2 week stay in a hotel with a newborn, lose the last 10-15lbs I can't seem to shed, and of course, keep up with all the day to day life.

While the above are things to DO they pale in comparison to what is going on in my mind. I swear I have pregnancy brain again. I may not be making a baby but I am most certainly expecting one! I have been forgetting the simplest things and finding myself struggling to stay present while planning for 2 months from now. What will our first meeting with our birth parents look like? Will they still like us? What do I say? What should I wear? Why does that even matter? Should we take a gift? What gift can we possibly give that would accurately portray what I want to say to them? And what about when he is born? Will we get to see him right away? Will all 4 of his parents be together at any point? Will his birth mom ask the court to let us take care of him immediately instead of going to respite care for a week or two? If she doesn't, how much will we gt to see him the first days of his life? So. Many. Questions.

So forgive me if my blogs are jumbled, I forget to return a phone call, or I just seem out of it. My brain is a hot mess right now! Haha! I ask for grace :)

I am loving the prep, loving the anticipation, loving the excitement, loving the little boy growing inside his other mother.

A quick thanks and plea for help

Whew! Where to start?

First off, thank you to everyone who has ordered a shirt so far! What a blessing you are. Seriously. I will take orders for one more week, so if you haven't ordered yet, make your way over to my Facebook page and comment your size on the shirt you want!

Secondly, and more importantly, there is a little girl in Congo right now who desperately needs your (our) help! This sweet 3 year old was whipped, beaten, burned and possibly poisoned because her extended family/caregivers believed she was a witch. She needs immediate medical attention beyond what she can receive where she is. You can read the details of her story at ABIcongo.blogspot.com. There are a couple of blog posts about her situation. Please, please, please read her story and contact Jenny Lotz at lotzfam@att.net if you can help. She needs a hospital willing to treat her at a free or reduced rate and/or a commitment of $100,000 in order to get a medical visa to be brought here.

Please pass this info on to anyone who may be able to help!

Third, there is news to share regarding forward steps with our adoption, but right now we need to focus on saving this sweet little girl's life. I will post again in a few days and update you all on our journey. Thank you for your prayers for us, our friends, and the sweet orphans, babies, and birth parents around the world. They are felt and appreciated greatly.

T shirts!!

Imagine if...every child was loved, cared for, fed, clothed, given hope, wanted, chosen

These are the words on the t shirts we are selling to help with adoption costs.

Cared for, fed, clothed, given hope, wanted, chosen.

Are these not things we all need? Want? Deserve? Jesus provides me (us) with these things every single day. He has blessed me with a husband who works hard to provide me with food, clothing, shelter. He loves me unconditionally. He wants a relationship with me. He CHOSE me. How forever grateful I am for these things. That HE would love me enough to choose me? He commands us to care for the widows and orphans. Why would I not choose to follow the commandments of the One who adopted me?

This does not mean that if you do not choose adoption you are disobeying God's command. However, if you choose to not be involved at all....

Like I have said before, be involved. Even to simply pray or support friends and family pursuing adoption. Ask genuine questions. Do not make assumptions. Hug adoptive mommies and tell them they will make it. Ask how to pray for their situation specifically. And when they bring their babies home; care for, love, and support those babies. They are now a part of their forever family.

Imagine if...every child was loved, cared for, fed, clothed, given hope, wanted, chosen.


Since I'm having issues navigating the picture additions on this blog, you can find the 4 design options on my Facebook page. Hopefully I will be able to get them on here soon. $15, adult sizes S-2XL. Comment on the picture with the size you want and I will add it to the order.

Taboo topic- part 2

Since I couldn't add anymore to my last post for some reason, I'll finish here.

Anticipated costs:

Travel to meet birth parents: $1,200
Agency/termination of parental rights fees: $21,500
Travel when our son is born: $2,000
Post placement visits (x3): $750
Legal: $5,000

Fees remaining for adoption 1: 30,450

Travel for adoption 2 with placement agency: $2,000
Legal: $7,000
Post placement visits: $750

Fees remaining for adoption 2: $9,750

Approximate cost of adoption from Haiti: $46,000

To sum up:

Adoption one total: $42,364
Adoption two total: $21,750
Adoption three total: $46,000 (approx)

Crazy!? Yes. Worth it?! Yes. This is the path we have chosen. There are other ways to adopt that are less expensive. Our current adoption is significantly more expensive than typical due to another agencies involvement and the extensive needs of our birth family.

So, as I mentioned the other day. The band, Berch, is playing a show Friday night at Nathan P. Murphy's at 8:30. All proceeds from this "name your cover" event go toward our adoption and the adoption of our friends, the Lotz. (Yay for their little girl waiting in Congo!)

Also, our amazing T-shirts will be ready this week so keep an eye out for those and get your order in quick. Our super talented friend, Eric Liles, designed our shirts and he gave so many fantastic options that I could only narrow down to 4 so you'll be sure to find one that matches your style!

Taboo topic-part 1

I have debated writing this post for a while now. Do I really want people to know the nitty gritty? Do I want to give people leverage to judge this decision to adopt? Will it scare people away from pursuing adoption? But when it comes down to it, this blog is about the truth and the financial aspect of adoption is not something that can be ignored and it is not something that will go away. Agencies still need fees to run, lawyers will still charge hundreds per hour, you will still need attorneys to make the adoption legal, birth parents will still need assistance.

So...here is a general break down of  our expenses to date as well as anticipated expenses. I write not to elicit a jaw drop, nor to make it appear we are "well off." We are fortunate to have some good old fashioned "sweat equity" in our home, which covers a portion. We also save as much as we can, follow a budget as closely as possible, and live within our means. We have no credit cards. Our only debt is our home and one student loan. We sacrifice and do our best to spend our money wisely.

January 2011:

Homestudy- $1,400
Fingerprints- $96
Medical-(already had recent physicals so we didn't have to do this at this time)

March 2011:

Homestudy Update- $500
Fingerprints (x4)- $192
Medicals- $160

Fall 2012:

Homestudy Update #2- $500
Fingerprints (x5)- 240
Medicals- $310

Summer 2013:

Homestudy Update #3- $500
Fingerprints (x2)- $96
Medical- $30

Profiles (we have had to do 5 so far)- $890

Fees paid since match:

Agency fee- $3,000
Birth parent expenses-

Total for agency 1- $11,914

We have also contracted with a facilitation center, which means a second domestic adoption once this one is finalized.


Facilitation Center Fee: $12,000

Total between the 2: $23,91




All of the above has already been paid. The following are anticipated fees.

Why adoption?

As we have been going through this journey of adoption, I am frequently asked the question "What made you decide adoption?" This question is one I have answered many times on many applications, during home study interviews, to almost complete strangers who are simply curious. Typically my answer is something along the lines of "I believe this is the way God has called us to grow our family. The bible says to care for the orphans and widows. This is how we are caring for the orphans. I have seen the effects of children not having a stable and loving home and desire to provide that for someone." Now, that is the extreme Reader's Digest version of what I usually say, but that's the jist. The reality is something longer than the few lines provided so I decided to start telling my story here and hopefully provide a little insight into what brought me to this point. Keep in mind, this is my journey to adoption. Andy's is different and at some point I will have him share his background.

I think to start out I have to go back to when I was 8 years old and made the decision to accept Jesus Christ into my heart and follow Him and His plans for me. I was raised in a Christian home with amazing parents, but the decision to follow Christ was still mine to make. So when I was 8 I made that choice. At that point I believe God began preparing me for the path I am on today. He instilled in me a heart for people and desire to provide love and care to children. As long as I can remember I have always been drawn to children. The nurturing part of me came to life very early and being the oldest child in my family (including cousins) gave me a lot of opportunities to "practice" mommy skills. The first time I remember considering adoption was when I was 10 years old. I was sitting at my kitchen table, in 5th grade, and thought to myself (possibly even said out loud) "I want to adopt a baby from China someday." Now, in my 10 year old mind that is as far as I got. It was simple. There are babies no one wants and they deserve a chance to be loved. I believe God put the desire and fight in my heart for children who were now born to me biologically on that day. (I have since developed that simply thought into much much more, but I will share that when I discuss the way my heart has changed over the past 3 years.) As I grew up I was blessed with opportunities to go on missions trips to Mexico and Asia where I helped run VBS's for children, passed out food to kids, played soccer with elementary students, and baby sat while others shared Truth with their parents. Then it came time for me to go to college. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt I wanted to work with children so I pursued and achieved my degree in Early Childhood Education. In my classes I learned of children who were abused by their parents and removed from their home, I learned about child advocacy, I studied the importance of attachment and bonding, I learned the long term effects of children who are not able to attach and bond with an adult, I discovered that adoption was still very real and very alive in my heart. At this point I was still thinking international. China, specifically, but the wait for China was getting longer and longer and God used that fact to open my heart to other countries. During my senior year of college I met Andy. A few months before we got married we talked about the possibility of adoption. While in my mind I always pictured that happening internationally, Andy had always pictured a domestic adoption. This was the first I had considered it, but since adoption was already on my heart I really didn't think twice about it. We would simply adopt domestically AND internationally. Makes sense, right?! :) My first job out of college was in a Title One School. Not just a Title One School, but a Title One district. For those of you who do not know what that is it means "low income" or "poverty" areas (short explanation). Many of my students lived in foster care or with extended family members or jumped from place to place daily. My heart broke for these kids especially. These kiddos craved love, attention and affection from me that they should have received from their parents. There are faces and names of students who will be etched in my heart and mind forever. If I could have, I would have brought them all home. But that is not reality. It was during this time that adopting domestically went from something I'll do because it's on my husband's heart to this is something we HAVE to do. We have to adopt domestically. We have to adopt now. God took me from "someday" to "NOW." This is reality. Except most agencies require you to be married at least 2 years and be at least 25 years old. So we found an agency we loved with a lower age requirement (I was 24 when we began this process) The timeline then went/goes like this:

October 2010-2 months before our 2 year anniversary we met with our agency, went through adoption counseling.

December 2010- decided to make the jump. I dove head first into paperwork, scheduling doctors appointments, scheduling fingerprint appointments, registering with Family Care and Safety Registry, etc.

January 2011- we were approved and on the wait list! Then we got pregnant...haha! Funny timing on God's part :)

August 2011- we took our names  off the wait list

October 2011- Josiah was born

December 2011- we get a call from our agency about a potential situation with a birth mother for a baby that was already born. Would we like to be considered? Sure! So we were back in the game! :)

January 2013-Sign a contract with a 2nd agency

October 2013---MATCHED!!! (Through agency 1)

March 2014- Our son is due!!!!! Woohoo!!

September 2014--Go back on wait list with our 2nd agency (We have 1 year and 3 months left with agency 2 starting at this time. They believe we will be chosen by a birth mother during that time. Therefore, we should have our 2nd child by December 2015)

2nd Domestic Adoption Complete--Begin paperwork for International adoption from Haiti

The past 3 years have been a major learning experience for me as well, but that is a blog for another day. You can expect to read about my journey from wanting a closed adoption to praying fervently for an open one and my misconceptions about birth mothers to my intense desire to advocate for them.


Side note:

THIS Friday, November 22 at Nathan P. Murphy's an awesome group of guys are getting their incredible band back together to do a reunion show at 8:30. The cover is $2 for minors and name your price for everyone else. All proceeds from this event go toward the adoption fund of ourselves and our good friends the Lotz' who have adopted domestically and are now waiting to bring their little girl home from Congo in Africa.(check out her blog http://www.honeybunchesoflotz.com/. Their story is heartbreaking and joyous at the same time. You will be inspired) This is just one small way YOU can be a part of adoption, plus hear some awesome music. :) Think about it.

In the moment

As we head into the holiday season I have been filling my calendar with all sorts of fun activities! I cannot wait! Today I got started on one of my favorite holiday activities. Baking!! Josiah and I made cookies together and he LOVED it! The look of pure joy on his face as he helped me pour and stir was priceless and the squeal of delight as he tasted a fresh baked chocolate chip cookie would make anyone smile. :) As we were baking something came over me and I realized this is the last holiday season I will have these moments with just Josiah. This realization comes with mixed emotions for me. I am beyond thrilled that next year I will have another little one pulling up on my legs while I mix ingredients. I cannot wait to feel those little hands on my feet and hear his giggles while he and Josiah play with Christmas music playing in the background. But I also realized that I want to soak up every moment between now and March. I need to make memories with every stage of life. My current stage of life is going to change drastically in about 4 months. My chapter as a family of 3 will end and a new chapter will begin. A wise woman gave me this council before Josiah was born: Soak up the moments with your husband. Make memories and simply enjoy the time you have left as husband and wife...a family of 2. I feel this advise applies to my current stage of life as well. Soak up the moments with my 2 boys. Make memories and simply enjoy the time I have left as a family of 3. This does not mean that I don't look forward to the future. Plan for me new little one. To me this simply means that my future does not consume me. I still live in the present. My goal for the next few months is to follow the advise of this wise woman and soak up the last few pages in this chapter of my life. My heart is full and my God is so good :)

Reprieve

Something strange happened today. Something relieving. Something exciting. Something unthinkable!

I left my phone in the other room and went to take a short nap. (as my 2 year old has recently forgotten how to sleep though the night)  I'm sorry, just to clarify. I left my phone out of ear shot. For the first time in almost 3 years. You see, for every moment of every day for the past 3 years I have been on high alert. Fearful that I may miss that one call. The one call that would change my life forever. The one call that told me I was going to be mommy to a sweet baby. I had heard stories of families being chosen last minute by a birth mother, but since they were out of reach for several hours she chose another family. I was not about to let that happen to us. So for 3 years I never let my phone out of earshot without making sure Andy could answer his, so this pretty much only happened when I  did hot yoga. Seriously....that's it. So as I laid down to rest this afternoon for a few sweet moments I found myself relaxing and smiled as I closed my eyes knowing that I have a break from this "high alert" status for now. I praise The Lord for this reprieve!

Timing

I feel I must clarify something from my last post. While all the things I said were true, I am and will be eternally grateful for that ache in my heart. Why, you ask? Because that ache tells me something very important and is the greatest gift I could receive at this point in our adoption. The ache tells me that The Lord is already bonding my heart to his. HE is growing a love for this sweet baby boy inside me that can truly only come from Him. It is evidence that my heart is being prepared to bring our newest son home as a member of our family forever. The ache is real...but so is the joy, because I know what that ache means.

In other news...Our birth mother, "M" is now just over halfway through her pregnancy! Tomorrow marks 18 weeks till little man's due date! 18 more Mondays. That's really not that many. Though I have secretly been praying for a few things when it comes to delivery.

See, because he will be born in another state there is a process called ICPC that must be completed befor we can come home to Missouri. This is basically termination of parental rights, his birth state saying he can leave and Missouri saying he can come. There's more to it, but that's the gist. This process generally takes 10-14 days. That being said, little man's due date is March 11. Andy's brother, Adam is marrying is awesome fiancé on March 15! Yay for them! Panic for me :/ That is only 4 days later! See, I love love love my family and being ALL together is a challenge. Their wedding is the perfect time for us to see extended family members. I would love nothing more than for our little family of 4 to be there all together. So, one of my secret prayers (not so secret anymore) is that my little man is nice and healthy and fully developed a little bit early (like 2ish weeks!) and that ICPC goes through exceptionally fast. You are welcome to join me in that if you wish. Again, God is teaching me that He is in control. I can't choose the date our son is born, and I can't make ICPC go any quicker. I have to choose to trust His timing and be ok with the outcome, no matter what.

Another prayer I have, that truly supersedes the previous is this: that our birth mother would request he be placed in our care from the hospital. This may seem obvious, but the state he will be born in requires a baby to go to a certified foster family of that state unless the mother requests differently. We cannot be certified because we do not reside in that state. Her request of his placement means getting a court order signed by a judge allowing us to bring him into our care immediately. There are many reasons I desire this to happen, but the main one being that we are already removing him from the sounds and smells familiar to him, after being born into a big, cold, scary world. If he comes directly into our care we can establish safety and security with our voices and smells right away. If not, he has to make that transition twice. Again, I have to trust The Lord to protect my little boy's heart and emotions no matter how that goes but my mommy heart wants to take him in my arms and not let go until he knows that I am here forever and he can trust me to care for him and meet his every need. I want to hold him when he cries, feed him when he's hungry, bathe him, snuggle him, and sing him to sleep. I have not doubt he ill be cared for in foster care if that's what happens. I know he will be loved. My heart simply longs to be the one to show him that love and care.

The good kind of heart ache

Wait, wait, and wait some more.

Eventually I will get to the "flash back" part of this journey and hopefully give you all a very clear picture of what this process has looked like from the beginning. However, right now my brain is pretty bogged down with thoughts of what's to come and the days between now and then.

Now. Today. It occurred to me that the last few years have been a pattern of the following.

Wait. Be hopeful. Be rejected. Recover. Wait. Be hopeful. Be rejected. Recover. Cont...

I guess part of me thought that once we were chosen and matched that the previous cycle would end. (At least till we start our next adoption again). I was wrong. While we are no longer experiencing the rejection and recovery part of this, the waiting and hoping have not subsided. I always knew that I wouldn't have the experience of feeling our son grow inside of me, but I did not anticipate the ache in my heart to connect with him. To whisper to him before he even enters this world how much he is loved. That even though its scary in this big old world and I'm not the smell or voice most familiar, I will never stop creating a safe and loving home for him. This ache to hold him and kiss him and stroke his face is overwhelming at times. While I desired all of these things with Josiah, I didn't hurt for them because he was with me every moment of every day with every breath I took. My 2nd son is over 8 hours away. It will be approximately 4 more months before I can ease this ache and hold my son. The upside is that sometime in the next 2ish months we get to travel to his birth place and meet his birth parents! The emotions that surround that are for another blog, but I will say this...I CANNOT wait!

Release control?!

We are now almost a week out from learning about the brave parents who have chosen us for their son. A week out, but the excitement is still the same. Along with the what ifs, I hopes, will theys, is she, and please Lords. With any birth there are many things we cannot control, but there are also many things we can. The foods I ate, what exercise I did, the doctor I went to and how often, the medications I took, and most importantly, bringing my baby home. With adoption these are things beyond my control. I can't control what she eats, if she exercises, if she makes her doctors appointments, or if she will allow me to bring her baby home. The Lord has been teaching me many lessons during this process, but most recently to allow HIM to be in control. I choose to trust HIM every step of the way. I choose to trust that HE will watch over and keep safe our baby and his birth parents. I choose to trust that HE is working HIS perfect plan in HIS perfect time. Are we seeing a pattern here? It's not about me. It's not about what I want when I want it. It's about Christ working his perfect plan in my life, my husband's life, and the lives of our birth parents. In order to fully see His plan we must relinquish control and simply surrender to Him.

I encourage those of you considering adoption to take some time during adoption awareness month to release control, dig around a bit, call an agency, or simply commit this month to serious prayer about what your involvement should be.

Adopt? Foster? Sponsor a child? Financially support a friend pursuing adoption? Help connect adoptive and foster families? Become more educated? Encourage a friend in the midst of adoption or foster care?

What can you do?

3 years later...

For any of you who have know us for any length of time, you are well aware that we have chosen to grow our family through adoption. What you may not know is that we began the process of adoption 3 years ago!

Here's the breakdown so far:

Fall 2010- Choose agency
January 2011- Homestudy approved! Let the wait begin! Estimation: 9-12 months
January 2012- Still waiting
January 2013- Still waiting- now 2 years later- twice the normal match time

October 29, 2013-WE ARE CHOSEN!!! 2 years and (almost) 11 months later!

A birth family has chosen us to raise their sweet baby boy! He will be joining our family in March, 2014 and we are beyond thrilled!!

To field a few questions:

Yes, they could change their minds
Yes, we will have an open adoption with BOTH birth parents
No, we will not reveal much about his birth family out of respect for their privacy.
Yes, we plan to adopt the rest of our children
No, it is not because of infertility. We are called to this and love this baby boy fiercely already

Nerve

My heart is literally pounding as I begin writing this. I in no way believe many will follow this, but the idea that even one person be privy to my thoughts and what is happening in my heart makes me NERVOUS! My goal here is to be open, honest, and pointed about the ups and downs of my experiences, (mostly surrounding our adoptions) but vulnerability is not so much my favorite thing, so here is my mechanism for that. I will gladly discuss anything you read here, but seeing as I can edit this first, this is probably a better jumping off point :) (it also allows me to process my emotions and maybe shed a few tears in the privacy of my home before trying to speak) I have been contemplating starting a blog for several months (years, to be honest) but never really thought I had anything extraordinary to say. As I have continued this contemplation The Lord has taken me on quite a journey and I guess I feel like it is time for me to share that journey. I will begin with what is happening now, then back track and do my best to reveal to YOU what HE has revealed to me over the past 3 years and what He continues to teach me day in and day out. Also, my creativity and technology skills are significantly lacking so bear with me as I navigate this whole new world of blogging!