Wait.
Be still.
Wait.
Pray.
Wait.
Praise.
Wait.
So. much. waiting.
When Andy and I make a decision about where we are going in life and what we are doing we tend to want to execute that plan immediately. We are not good at holding in the reigns and being patient. When we decided that we would grow our family through adoption, I jumped online and began researching agencies right away. I found a reputable agency in our area that would allow us to apply before I reached age 25. At that time there were not many that allowed this so I was super excited. Then we, idealistically, thought we would be matched quickly and begin our journey as parents. "Wait," said God. Wait 3 years. (While we did not have to wait 3 years to become parents, we did have to wait 3 years to be chosen and watch our sweet Timothy enter this world) Then we thought in 6 months we could finalize and a judge would declare him our son forever. "Wait," again. For 1 year I lived without that declaration. We know our family isn't complete, and have continued to WAIT again for a birth mother and/or father to choose us. HIS timing is perfect, but that does not change the fact that the heart aches for it's desires.
Months ago, when The Lord planted the idea of starting a church in our hearts we were excited, scared and anxious to begin that journey. However, we had no idea how that would look. Where will we be trained? Will we have to raise support? Will we have to move cities? States? When can we start? "Wait," said the Lord. Again. So we waited. For months we waited. Then, in this short period of 48 hours God said "Here you go! Here's your opportunity! Here's the door you need to walk through. Now will you follow? Will you sacrifice?"So we walked. And in a matter of days Andy had accepted the position that had been offered to him, informed the leadership at church of the decision, made an exit plan, decided to downsize in order to make this all work, found a house (again, thank you Jesus!) and made a verbal desire with the seller (who is a friend who lives in Latin American as a missionary and just "happens" to be stateside, here in KC right now), began sorting through what we will keep and what we will sell and listed our house. All so we can wait. AGAIN! I'm guess there's a lesson I need to learn here :) Ha! We need to wait for our house to sell before we can execute the purchase of our friend's house.
My desire to control goes into overdrive in times like this. Short time frame. Sense of urgency. I have to TRUST. So The Lord keeps frequently bringing to mind the words "Wait. Be Still. Know that I am God." Oh, what peace comes from that last part. I cannot even begin to tell you how confident I am that this transition is ordained by God and we are walking the exact path He desires us to be on right now. There is an old hymn that says "'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus." Oh how true this is! I could spend lots of words explaining all of the "coincidences" that have occurred, but that would be excessive. To see God reveal Himself and His plan so clearly has been very cool to experience. However, I still wonder. I still question. The desire I have to control things is overwhelming at times and I find myself frequently repeating those words to myself "Be Still." Something I don't do well.
While we walk this path of church plant training, starting a church, seeking another adoption match, selling our home, moving into our new one I will strive to choose every moment of every day to trust in Jesus. But I am far from perfect, so I may need a reminder every now and then!
About 9 months ago, when were walking through the disruption of the twins adoption I sang these words with my whole, prayerful heart. I believed at that time (and still believe it's part of it) that those words were related to the wonderfully terrifying world of adoption. Now I think it's more than that...
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
WHEREVER YOU MAY CALL ME
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
That my faith would be made stronger
In the presence of my savior.
