I have a few more thoughts/ feelings from the past few days that I didn't write about yesterday but wanted to share. Sometimes it takes my brain longer to form words that go with my feelings than my heart does to make them. :)
First of all, the nurses at the hospital were so amazing! When you are in the middle of this unique situation it is easy to get frustrated or overwhelmed dealing with everything. They had to manage 2 sets of parents and a baby. Sometimes they didn't know exactly which room to go to and with their busy schedule I know this is inconvenient. I wish I could personally thank each of them! They were gracious, never showed frustration, loved on our little "peanut" as they nicknamed him, and were incredibly supportive of our family. A few asked genuine questions about adoption and our situation specifically, others just verbalized their support. It was truly incredible and I cannot express how their attitudes and care for us made the hospital stay so much better than expected. These few days had their own set of challenges as we made the transition of care for Timothy and all four parents shared in the joy of his presence. It's not typical...sharing your baby...but necessary, important, and crucial to open adoption in our case. While I know they won't see this I would like to thank these nurses from the bottom of my heart for their support and sensitivity!
Secondly, and maybe taboo, but I'll be honest anyway. I have seriously loved the past few days for so many reasons, but one that stands out is that I feel I have been able to truly experience this time with Timothy, rather than simply survive because I'm not recovering! My body and hormones aren't out of whack, I can work out, and I'm not on mind fuzzing medication. I can sit, walk, stand when and how I want, not fear the bathroom, and relax with my boy! I know this may sound selfish, but please bear with me. I do want to acknowledge that because I had the blessing of birthing our firstborn, I am not grieving a loss of infertility that others may. I do not say these things to diminish the reality of that pain. It is real and needs to be acknowledged. Attachment between mother and son when giving birth is natural. There is a familiarity from the beginning. With adoption, thus attachment needs to be nurtured and created intentionally. By having my mind and body in a stronger state than when I gave birth I feel I am better able to cultivate this attachment because I'm only focused on Timothy. I'm not having to think about taking care of myself in terms of healing or worry about all those pains associated with childbirth. (Since my audience is beyond mommies, I will stay vague, but those who have given birth and experienced some after birth healing complications know what I mean) I am so very thankful that I can focus all my attention on my newest little guy and nurture our bonding with purpose. In addition, I know my oldest is happy and very well cared for and not miserably missing us so I'm not torn with worry of his well being. (Though I miss him terribly and tear up when I hear him chatting away in the background when talking with family)
Last, but most importantly, I am so amazed at the tiny details God has answered! From Timothy's birth weigh to the time if birth and much more. I am humbled that He would love me enough to answer my tiny specific prayers so perfectly. I am thankful for the reminder that He cares for me like a Father cares for His child. He is faithful and I am undeserving of His great and wonderful love.
For now, we wait for a court date and pray for safe travels for my parents as they come visit this weekend. Thank you all for listening to my story :)
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
He's here!!!
Whew! It's been a whirlwind few days but I am finally at a point where I can fill you all in!
First off, thank you for all of your prayers for Timothy, us and his birth parents! God has been so good to us, from safe travels, to Timothy being super healthy (despite being tiny), to smooth transitions so far, to a wonderfully supportive hospital staff and fantastic family members providing us with a hotel room. We are more grateful than words can say.
I will take you through these first few days with as much detail as I can, but please know that there are many things I cannot write for legal reasons as well as out of respect for Timothy's birth family.
Monday, February 17:
Learn that Timothy is measuring a bit small (just under 5lbs) and that induction about a week early was likely.
Tuesday, February 18:
37 weeks!
Wednesday, February 19:
Do taxes. This might seem silly, but it was the earliest appointment we could get after getting everything we needed. I really wanted these done before we had to travel because I expected a return. (We got one!)
Thursday, February 20:
I got the oil changed in my car.....just in case.
Friday, February 21:
Andy's parents came to visit us for a day. It has been a few weeks since we had seen them and wanted one more visit before things got too crazy. While Josiah was napping Linda and I went shopping. I picked up an adorable wedding outfit for Timithy (just in case!) and one premie outfit. I also got a gift for our birth parents. I found it the week before but wanted to make sure it was an ok gift before I got it. We got home and I decided to rest for about 5 minutes, then jump in the shower for an early
dinner. My head had barely hit the pillow when my phone rang. I assumed it was Andy telling me he had gotten off work early. I was wrong. Our social worker's name showed on the screen and I got a little nervous. I heard the words "Well....M is in the hospital. You better pack up and head to Kentucky." I ran into the living room and told Andy's parents. Then called Andy.
Andy: Hey, can I call you back in 5 min.
Me: Ummm, not really, no. M is in labor. You need to come home. It's go time!
Then I'm pretty sure I went up and down my hallway 12 times trying to decide where to start. I had my lists made, but my brain momentarily turned to mush. While calling my mom and grandma I started packing. Somewhere in there Josiah woke up, pretty confused. 1 1/2 hours later we were on our way. It was perfect because Josiah got to stay at home with Andy's parents until my parents got off work to come get him. And, as predicted, I pulled out in tears.
Once we got to the hospital (at about 1:30AM) we visited with our birth patents for a few minutes, then the hospital got us set up in our own room and we continued to wait. We also got to sleep a couple of hours. When we woke up we went to check in with everyone and discovered we were still
waiting. I also learned that I was welcome in the delivery room when the time came! They had not slept well so Andy and I went to get breakfast in the cafeteria. The moment we finished eating my phone rang. It was birth dad calling saying it was push time!
I got to be in the room through the entire process and at 10:10 a screaming baby boy came into this world! There was concern before he came out that he may be too small and need to go to the NICU. I had asked you all to pray he gain some weight and we had been specifically praying he was over 5lbs. He weighed in at a whopping 5lbs 10.8oz and healthy!
We spent the rest of Saturday in the room with birth parents, with a small nap time for all where we took Timothy with us. Sunday was much the same, going back and forth between rooms. But at night it was just the three of us (and the nurses).
On Monday Timothy's birth parents went home. I wish I could accurately put into words what this experience was like. Heart wrenching. To watch them say good byes was so hard and it was easy to see how much they love him. This will be a tough transition for them.
Tuesday we got to leave the hospital!! There was not hot water in our room and I had not been outside for 2 days so it was wonderful to move on and settle into our hotel, take a hot shower and relax.
Paperwork was filed today and now we wait for a court day. We are hopeful for next Wednesday, so prayers for that (or sooner!) are appreciated. After court we wait another 2-3 days for KY and MO to say we can head home.
To answer a few questions...
No, we cannot post pictures yet.
No, I'm not sure when we can. I think after court.
Josiah is with my parents at night and my grandparents during the day. He will also hang out with my aunt some. He is doing great! He is not missing us at all! On one hand this is sad, but really it's good. He is happy and well cared for :) Thanks awesome family!
We cannot say exactly where we are.
Yes, it looks like we will make THE WEDDING!!!!!!
God is so good! We are so thankful for Timothy, his parents, our social workers, the nurses who cared for him (and us), our family and friends who have been so supportive. We are blessed beyond words for the love that surrounds us right now.
A few prayer requests...
A quick court process.
That we are approved to leave by Friday the 7th.
Weather to hold off over the weekend so my parents can come visit.
Safe travels going home.
For our birth parents as they grieve their loss and transition to a new normal.
First off, thank you for all of your prayers for Timothy, us and his birth parents! God has been so good to us, from safe travels, to Timothy being super healthy (despite being tiny), to smooth transitions so far, to a wonderfully supportive hospital staff and fantastic family members providing us with a hotel room. We are more grateful than words can say.
I will take you through these first few days with as much detail as I can, but please know that there are many things I cannot write for legal reasons as well as out of respect for Timothy's birth family.
Monday, February 17:
Learn that Timothy is measuring a bit small (just under 5lbs) and that induction about a week early was likely.
Tuesday, February 18:
37 weeks!
Wednesday, February 19:
Do taxes. This might seem silly, but it was the earliest appointment we could get after getting everything we needed. I really wanted these done before we had to travel because I expected a return. (We got one!)
Thursday, February 20:
I got the oil changed in my car.....just in case.
Friday, February 21:
Andy's parents came to visit us for a day. It has been a few weeks since we had seen them and wanted one more visit before things got too crazy. While Josiah was napping Linda and I went shopping. I picked up an adorable wedding outfit for Timithy (just in case!) and one premie outfit. I also got a gift for our birth parents. I found it the week before but wanted to make sure it was an ok gift before I got it. We got home and I decided to rest for about 5 minutes, then jump in the shower for an early
dinner. My head had barely hit the pillow when my phone rang. I assumed it was Andy telling me he had gotten off work early. I was wrong. Our social worker's name showed on the screen and I got a little nervous. I heard the words "Well....M is in the hospital. You better pack up and head to Kentucky." I ran into the living room and told Andy's parents. Then called Andy.
Andy: Hey, can I call you back in 5 min.
Me: Ummm, not really, no. M is in labor. You need to come home. It's go time!
Then I'm pretty sure I went up and down my hallway 12 times trying to decide where to start. I had my lists made, but my brain momentarily turned to mush. While calling my mom and grandma I started packing. Somewhere in there Josiah woke up, pretty confused. 1 1/2 hours later we were on our way. It was perfect because Josiah got to stay at home with Andy's parents until my parents got off work to come get him. And, as predicted, I pulled out in tears.
Once we got to the hospital (at about 1:30AM) we visited with our birth patents for a few minutes, then the hospital got us set up in our own room and we continued to wait. We also got to sleep a couple of hours. When we woke up we went to check in with everyone and discovered we were still
waiting. I also learned that I was welcome in the delivery room when the time came! They had not slept well so Andy and I went to get breakfast in the cafeteria. The moment we finished eating my phone rang. It was birth dad calling saying it was push time!
I got to be in the room through the entire process and at 10:10 a screaming baby boy came into this world! There was concern before he came out that he may be too small and need to go to the NICU. I had asked you all to pray he gain some weight and we had been specifically praying he was over 5lbs. He weighed in at a whopping 5lbs 10.8oz and healthy!
We spent the rest of Saturday in the room with birth parents, with a small nap time for all where we took Timothy with us. Sunday was much the same, going back and forth between rooms. But at night it was just the three of us (and the nurses).
On Monday Timothy's birth parents went home. I wish I could accurately put into words what this experience was like. Heart wrenching. To watch them say good byes was so hard and it was easy to see how much they love him. This will be a tough transition for them.
Tuesday we got to leave the hospital!! There was not hot water in our room and I had not been outside for 2 days so it was wonderful to move on and settle into our hotel, take a hot shower and relax.
Paperwork was filed today and now we wait for a court day. We are hopeful for next Wednesday, so prayers for that (or sooner!) are appreciated. After court we wait another 2-3 days for KY and MO to say we can head home.
To answer a few questions...
No, we cannot post pictures yet.
No, I'm not sure when we can. I think after court.
Josiah is with my parents at night and my grandparents during the day. He will also hang out with my aunt some. He is doing great! He is not missing us at all! On one hand this is sad, but really it's good. He is happy and well cared for :) Thanks awesome family!
We cannot say exactly where we are.
Yes, it looks like we will make THE WEDDING!!!!!!
God is so good! We are so thankful for Timothy, his parents, our social workers, the nurses who cared for him (and us), our family and friends who have been so supportive. We are blessed beyond words for the love that surrounds us right now.
A few prayer requests...
A quick court process.
That we are approved to leave by Friday the 7th.
Weather to hold off over the weekend so my parents can come visit.
Safe travels going home.
For our birth parents as they grieve their loss and transition to a new normal.
Monday, February 10, 2014
4 more Mondays
4 more Mondays! When I was teaching I would always count Mondays because that made it seem like so much less time. 5 Mondays till break seems better than 5 weeks, right? Right. Well, to me anyway :) Well, now that's a little scary! In an email from our agency I read the words "We are 30 days from M's due date so it's time to start preparing." I, of course, have been counting down since January, but in weeks, not days, so this made my heart skip a beat. 30 days. That's 4 Mondays (not including today) As far as preparing though....Timothy's things have been ready to go for a while now. This past weekend I went shopping for a few more essentials (diapers, bottles, formula, pacifiers, etc...) so we are pretty set. My goal is to keep up with laundry so the moment we get "the call" we can throw our things together and roll. Of course, there is a list of our essential items already made so we can just read instead of trying to think in the rush. And while it seems so close already, I am also reminded that myself and other faithful family members are praying for a healthy 2 weeks early delivery so we can make it to my brother in laws wedding. If God answers yes....15 days!!! Wow! So excited to meet this little guy! I promised a breakdown of the process so here's what I know...
Feb 11 (tomorrow)- Agency fees due. $19,000 (this goes between 2 agencies for reasons I will not disclose here)
Next week: complete Kentucky foster care education in order to respect the spirit of adoption in KY. Keep raising legal fees.
Wait for the call that M is in labor. Keep raising legal fees.
Get the call!
Frantically pack our bags, drop Josiah with family, pull out in tears because I cannot even imagine being away from him for 2 weeks (Lord, helps this momma's heart), drive to hospital in KY and hope we make it before he is born.
Approx 3 days later: leave hospital WITH TIMOTHY and drive 3 hours to the county where court will take place.
Hang out in hotel.
Approx 5 days later: judge signs off on adoption paperwork, making things temporarily official.
Still hanging out in hotel
Agency sends paperwork to another office (ICPC) in KY and MO for each state to approve.
Still waiting.....
Get approval call (because I'm trusting for no hiccups) and LEAVE KENTUCKY!
This process from birth to heading home takes approx. 2 weeks so prayers for quick court dates would be greatly appreciated.
6 months after placement: Finalize adoption here in MO and begin the wait for baby #3.
Feb 11 (tomorrow)- Agency fees due. $19,000 (this goes between 2 agencies for reasons I will not disclose here)
Next week: complete Kentucky foster care education in order to respect the spirit of adoption in KY. Keep raising legal fees.
Wait for the call that M is in labor. Keep raising legal fees.
Get the call!
Frantically pack our bags, drop Josiah with family, pull out in tears because I cannot even imagine being away from him for 2 weeks (Lord, helps this momma's heart), drive to hospital in KY and hope we make it before he is born.
Approx 3 days later: leave hospital WITH TIMOTHY and drive 3 hours to the county where court will take place.
Hang out in hotel.
Approx 5 days later: judge signs off on adoption paperwork, making things temporarily official.
Still hanging out in hotel
Agency sends paperwork to another office (ICPC) in KY and MO for each state to approve.
Still waiting.....
Get approval call (because I'm trusting for no hiccups) and LEAVE KENTUCKY!
This process from birth to heading home takes approx. 2 weeks so prayers for quick court dates would be greatly appreciated.
6 months after placement: Finalize adoption here in MO and begin the wait for baby #3.
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