Wait, wait, and wait some more.
Eventually I will get to the "flash back" part of this journey and hopefully give you all a very clear picture of what this process has looked like from the beginning. However, right now my brain is pretty bogged down with thoughts of what's to come and the days between now and then.
Now. Today. It occurred to me that the last few years have been a pattern of the following.
Wait. Be hopeful. Be rejected. Recover. Wait. Be hopeful. Be rejected. Recover. Cont...
I guess part of me thought that once we were chosen and matched that the previous cycle would end. (At least till we start our next adoption again). I was wrong. While we are no longer experiencing the rejection and recovery part of this, the waiting and hoping have not subsided. I always knew that I wouldn't have the experience of feeling our son grow inside of me, but I did not anticipate the ache in my heart to connect with him. To whisper to him before he even enters this world how much he is loved. That even though its scary in this big old world and I'm not the smell or voice most familiar, I will never stop creating a safe and loving home for him. This ache to hold him and kiss him and stroke his face is overwhelming at times. While I desired all of these things with Josiah, I didn't hurt for them because he was with me every moment of every day with every breath I took. My 2nd son is over 8 hours away. It will be approximately 4 more months before I can ease this ache and hold my son. The upside is that sometime in the next 2ish months we get to travel to his birth place and meet his birth parents! The emotions that surround that are for another blog, but I will say this...I CANNOT wait!
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