Boys vs. Men

I'm not here to tell anyone how to parent and generally speaking I keep my opinions about parenting to myself on social media/the internet in general. It's a slippery slope that opens a door that many times leads to hurt feelings, misunderstandings and complete lack of grace. So I will say here and now that my goal is not to tell anyone what to do, it is not to disregard the "exceptions" or degrade parents. These are simply my personal observations as well as my goals for my own boys. Since I do not have daughters yet I will not speak to that. I will only speak to my experience as a mom of boys.

Man up!
Will he ever grow up?
Boys will be boys.
Girls just mature faster.

Terms we often hear thrown around, mostly in relation to boys/men who are in college/lower 20's. It seems to be expected and accepted as normal in our culture today. It's an over generalization to say that all men in this category behave as boys. I personally know many, many men who have taken on great responsibility and behave as mature adults who lead and contribute to society. I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about the boys who just can't seem to get it together. The ones who can't/won't commit...to a job, to a significant other, to a ministry, to anything. The boys who expect their parents to bail them out of any mess the create for themselves. My husband and I have a very important job. We are not raising boys, we are raising MEN. Our job is to raise men...

Who are confident in who they are in Christ
Who love God
Who will commit to their wife and love her as Christ loves the church (If God has a wife for them)
Who will sacrificially love their children (If this is part of their future)
Who seek after and follow God's plan for their life
Who are selfless, kind, forgiving, loving
Who express their emotions and are vulnerable
Who behave with integrity
Who lead well

My husband plays a huge role in how our boys grow up and I will NOT discount his influence for one second. But I want to talk about mothering, because that's my area. Mothering today has become this thing where the primary goal seems to be making your kids happy, protecting them from any and all hurts, providing excessive safety where our boys are never challenged or forced to stand up for themselves. We come to their rescue, coddle and stifle them. It is our natural inclination to keep them close, to shelter them from storms, to jump into action when anything comes close to looking like it might hurt them (I'm not talking about keeping your kids from running into oncoming traffic here). Instead of telling our boys that not everyone will always cave to their desires, we give in and create this "safe" space where they never learn independence. If a kid doesn't want to play their game- there just MUST be something wrong with that kid. Heaven forbid we challenge our boys to examine their own actions. Are you being kind, son? Are you offering to play what your friend wants to play? (Selflessness) Are you speaking in anger? (Be quick to listen, slow to anger-James 1:19) We keep them in a state of dependence on us as mommies for so long that when it comes time for them to stand on their own two feet they have no idea what that looks like. It's so easy in the day to day to want to keep them little, snuggle them like when they were babies, be the caregiver and protector that we forget we are raising warriors. We forget that we need to raise those boys to become men who can protect instead of always being protected. We need to teach them how to be confident in themselves-in who they are in Christ-so they can handle anything and everything that life throws their way. I am by no means perfect in this area. I think this is why I am writing this. God has been showing me lately the effects of NOT keeping the end goal in mind and that terrifies me. So as mama's of boys, let's rally together to raise up MEN and LET GO of our selfish desires to keep them boys.