In an effort to remain honest and "real" about this experience I feel I have to put out there that when we received news of our court date my heart sank. In my head, I was going to be away from Josiah for two weeks. Our case is pretty open and shut. Both parents terminated rights in the hospital. No one has changed their mind. Papers were filed last Wednesday. Even with the courts being closed yesterday I was so hopeful we could get in my Friday at least. As of now our court date is Tuesday, March 11. This is 17 days after his birth. 14 days from hospital discharge. For a case as smooth as ours there is a part of me that is pretty frustrated with this timeline. But mostly, my heart is aching to be with Josiah. To hug him, play with him, hear his laugh, see his smile, say night night prayers, etc. After court we have to wait a couple more days before we can leave. This means that unless our date is moved closer (praying hard for that) I will be here 3 weeks, 21 days, before I get to go home to the rest of my family. I know I sound like I'm complaining, and I apologize for that. I would do this all over again for Timothy. I would and will fight for him, whatever it takes. But there is an enormous amount of hoops to jump. The system doesn't see all the factors and family dynamics. The fact that I've been away from my 2 year old for 2 weeks doesn't enter the equation. Or that I've been living in a hotel. Or that my husband is trying to work back home but stay connected here. These are the parts that only the family experiences. The emotionally exhausting part. Our experience is so easy compared to others. I know this. I know The Lord is in control and bigger than all of this. Everyone who enters this adoption journey experiences highs and lows and frustrations and rejoicing. I know I'm not alone. The purpose of this post is to be honest about where my heart is right now. For those considering adoption to understand the reality and prepare for the highs and lows, frustrations and rejoicing.
My heart is overwhelmed with joy and sadness equally at this moment, but when I get my family together it will all be worth it. Every single moment. I choose to cherish this a time with Timothy. I choose to be glad that Josiah is happy. I choose to be joyful that things are moving forward. I choose to trust that my Lord is in control and cares about my worries. He is sovereign and His timing is perfect.
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