It has, once again, been WAY too long since I gave update and there have been MANY changes in the Castro family over the past few months.
In late Spring my hubby came to me and told me he had made a decision. This decision would affect our family significantly. I was a little nervous, but as I listened to him tell me that he felt he needed to be in full time, vocational ministry all I could think was "Glad you figured it out!" :) I had total peace about this choice and was excited to see where this decision would take us. At this time there was some discussion about joining staff somewhere locally. While I loved this idea, in my heart I just knew Springfield wasn't where we would end up. I did begin to wonder where we would go though. Would we have to start over somewhere new? Would we have to start from square one on adoption paperwork again? I am pretty introverted, how will I make new friends? What will I do without family nearby? I had to resolve that I would pick up and follow my husband wherever The Lord called us. A few weeks later Andy had coffee with a pastor of his home church in Kansas City, as he occasionally did when we would visit. This meeting led to more meetings and discussions, which eventually lead to his being offered a job to join the pastoral staff at Graceway Church. His heart is not mine to share, but it will say there was such peace in this offer that we couldn't say no.
So, while we did relocate (or rather, are relocating currently), it's not THAT far from Springfield. We have lots of family in KC. And while I still feel "new," I have lived there before and people are being so kind and welcoming. Our house in Springfield sold quickly and assuming this week goes well (pray for no rain!) we close Friday. We also had an amazing realtor who found us a great house in KC. My other fear of financial struggle has also been put to rest as I learn to trust in God's provision. While there's a pretty decent gap between the salary of a pastor and that of an engineer, He has not failed to provide. Funding the legal and travel fees for our second adoption may be tricky, but not impossible and I am learning how to be an even better steward of what The Lord has given us.
Ministry is not foreign to me as many of my family members are pastors, or were at one point, but this is a new role for me and my immediate family. I was asked the other day what scares me the most about Andy being a pastor. In an effort to share more of my heart, I want to share my answer with all of you. We have all heard stories of "pastors kids" being crazy and rebellious. I think every parent fears that to an extent, but my fear is mostly that my children will feel pressure to perform in their role as a "pastor's kid" and that the unrealistic expectations of others will overwhelm them. I pray they grow into a genuine relationship with The Lord and I pray that people give them grace as they
navigate growing up with more than a few eyes on them at times.
Pray for me this week as I pack up our house here in Springfield. There is a certain finality that comes with packing up all our material things and leaving our home here and that stirs some emotions in me I didn't realize were there.
Next update: Timothy's finalization, birth family, and next adoption steps.
Sunday, October 12, 2014
Thursday, July 31, 2014
MO Court-one
Today we went to court in Missouri with Timothy. This was to officially transfer custody from our agency to us. Going into today, it was just another step in the process. I knew it would be pretty quick and honestly didn't feel any anxiety or even excitement. This is not the finalization. We have to go to court one more time, 6 months from now to complete the final step. However, as I sat in the court room, sworn under oath, and promised to take care of Timothy my heart was so full. Full of hope and love for this sweet baby boy I was holding. Excitement that we are SO CLOSE to becoming more than just legal custodians but legal PARENTS to him. My eyes filled at one moment as the judge looked at us and pleaded with us to care for our boy. The enormity of parenting hit me once again in that moment. I think as a parent you always feel the weight of that responsibility, but there are moments when it feels so intense it almost takes your breath away. Today was one of those days. Sitting in court was one if those moments. We are responsible for this precious baby boy. His health, his emotional well being, his spiritual growth, for shaping the way he looks at this world, for instilling in him a desire to seek after The Lord and to look beyond himself, to make a difference in the lives of those around him. Wow. That I have been trusted with this responsibility is humbling, exciting and terrifying! I pray that as Andy and I raise our children we are alert and focused, able to do what is necessary to fulfill this incredible responsibility.
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Adding to the family
It has, once again, been way too long since I have updated everyone. There are a few pretty important events that I want to share with everyone as we continue moving forward in our adoption adventure.
1) Without going into too much detail, we learned we will have to go to court twice in order to finalize Timothy's adoption. First, to transfer custody from the agency to us. Second, to finalize and make us his "parents" on paper. (Though we already know this in our hearts and minds) Tomorrow, July 31 is that first court date. Though I'm not thrilled with the idea of sitting for an undisclosed amount of time in a court room, I am so excited to be one step closer to making everything officially official!
2) I gave talked about Timothy's other parents before. I appreciate and respect them so much for their choice of adoption. It's not an easy decision and it is extremely difficult to say good bye and place your child in another persons arms and know they will be called mommy and daddy. I have chosen to be discrete in the information I share about them because I want to honor them and I will defend their choice for adoption, always. So what I share now, I ask you to continue joining me in choosing to respect this choice.
Tonight I had the opportunity to meet a very handsome boy and his sweet mom (via adoption) He is 18 months old, has curly dark hair and big brown eyes. Sound familiar? This sweet boy is Timothy's biological brother. Their parents chose adoption for him at birth and he is now part do a wonderful family, living less than 2 hours away! We have known about him since the beginning of this journey and are so excited the boys will get the chance to know each other. We will travel with this family to Kentucky once a year so the families can all be together. I cannot say enough wonderful things about this sweet boy and his family. I am thankful that we get to experience this journey with them.
3) We are on track to adopt again! We were granted an extended hold time with our new agency so we will be back on the "list" and shown to birth parents again beginning early Spring 2015. Until then we will be fundraising/saving so we have travel and legal fees paid for by the time we get our newest little one!
On another note: I am personally hoping and praying for a few little things regarding this next adoption... :)
* for a girl...though if The Lord chooses to bless me with sweet baby boys my heart will be full and happy
* for this next baby to not arrive within a month before the next big family wedding
* for close proximity to where we live so my other two babies can be brought to us easily while we wait for the ICPC court process
While these are my tiny preferences, I trust that, just like before, God will work these details perfectly, in his timing, with the right match for us.
1) Without going into too much detail, we learned we will have to go to court twice in order to finalize Timothy's adoption. First, to transfer custody from the agency to us. Second, to finalize and make us his "parents" on paper. (Though we already know this in our hearts and minds) Tomorrow, July 31 is that first court date. Though I'm not thrilled with the idea of sitting for an undisclosed amount of time in a court room, I am so excited to be one step closer to making everything officially official!
2) I gave talked about Timothy's other parents before. I appreciate and respect them so much for their choice of adoption. It's not an easy decision and it is extremely difficult to say good bye and place your child in another persons arms and know they will be called mommy and daddy. I have chosen to be discrete in the information I share about them because I want to honor them and I will defend their choice for adoption, always. So what I share now, I ask you to continue joining me in choosing to respect this choice.
Tonight I had the opportunity to meet a very handsome boy and his sweet mom (via adoption) He is 18 months old, has curly dark hair and big brown eyes. Sound familiar? This sweet boy is Timothy's biological brother. Their parents chose adoption for him at birth and he is now part do a wonderful family, living less than 2 hours away! We have known about him since the beginning of this journey and are so excited the boys will get the chance to know each other. We will travel with this family to Kentucky once a year so the families can all be together. I cannot say enough wonderful things about this sweet boy and his family. I am thankful that we get to experience this journey with them.
3) We are on track to adopt again! We were granted an extended hold time with our new agency so we will be back on the "list" and shown to birth parents again beginning early Spring 2015. Until then we will be fundraising/saving so we have travel and legal fees paid for by the time we get our newest little one!
On another note: I am personally hoping and praying for a few little things regarding this next adoption... :)
* for a girl...though if The Lord chooses to bless me with sweet baby boys my heart will be full and happy
* for this next baby to not arrive within a month before the next big family wedding
* for close proximity to where we live so my other two babies can be brought to us easily while we wait for the ICPC court process
While these are my tiny preferences, I trust that, just like before, God will work these details perfectly, in his timing, with the right match for us.
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Adjustments and transitions
Well, I have now neglected my blog for over 2 months. Oops! My goodness how time gets away with a little one around! To my mommy friends who keep up with their blogs after bringing home baby...I bow down! :) Ok, maybe not bow. But I am most definitely impressed. Part of why I haven't written is because there are so many things I want to talk about and I have had a hard time deciding where to start.
How to help adoptive parents while they are traveling to get their little ones, stateside and internationally.
Transitions to multiple children from one.
Birth parent interactions and relationships.
Things people say and how I choose to respond.
Judgmental parenting.
Foster Care and how you can help.
Where to start?!
So I decided to start easy and cover the other topics as I have time.
Many of you have asked how things are going, so I want to do my best to give you a honest look at how life with my 2 boys has been the past 2 1/2 months.
First off, Josiah is doing fabulous! I cannot even begin to tell you the joy I felt at seeing him run down the hotel hallway in Kentucky! I also cannot begin to tell you the pain in my heart when he hid behind his daddy because he hadn't seen me in 17 days. Or how sad it made me to realize how quickly I had forgotten all the little details in his sweet face. Even watching videos of him and going through pictures multiple times a day, I had forgotten his round little face and how his sweet giggle sounded in my ears. Punch in the gut! How does a mother "forget" all of these little things so quickly?! How terrible must I be that my baby seemed so different to me in just a short amount of time?! However, this quickly faded. When we brought Josiah into the room to meet Timothy he didn't have much to say, but his actions told us quickly that he loved his baby brother. I held Josiah on my lap, then helped him hold Timothy. When Andy took Timothy away Josiah simply said "No." Not defiantly, not whiny, but a way that said "This is my brother and I'm not going to let him go." His connection and devotion to Timothy was immediate. He frequently wanted to know exactly where Timothy was and how he could help him feel better. We had a wonderful weekend with my grandparents, who traveled with Andy and Josiah. We went to an amazing park on the riverfront, walked around downtown, ate at a local restaurant, and had lots of snuggles in our room. It truly could not have gone any more smoothly. ICPC was cleared SO quickly after court and on Monday we were headed home! The boys traveled wonderfully and we got to sleep in our OWN beds...for 4 nights.
Our lives got hectic again for a few days as we traveled to KC for Andy's brother's wedding. We got to introduced Timothy to lots of extended family and Josiah performed perfectly in his role as ring bearer :)
When we returned, Timothy got a slight cold, but thankfully it didn't turn into anything serious and after a few days at home and some TLC from mommy, daddy and grandma he was feeling better.
2 weeks later we traveled to KC yet again for one of my best friend's wedding. Josiah got some great "mama-papa" time this weekend as well.
FINALLY, after this trip we were able to settle in as a family of 4 with a more "normal" schedule.
Josiah continued to check on Timothy frequently, making sure he had his paci, helping me feed him, standing close when I changed him, etc. The first time Josiah and I went somewhere without Timothy he said "We lost him! I miss my Timothy!" It was so sweet. Of course we have moments where Josiah wants my attention and has to wait, but overall I could not have imagined a smoother transition.
And Timothy. Well, he's just perfect :) He sleeps very well, waking only once a night (typically). He is super snuggly and his favorite thing is to hang out in the Moby wrap all cuddled in next to mommy. He also loves to lay on his boppy and look around. This is usually where he hangs out while I work out. I'm sure he's laughing on the inside at how ridiculous I look from that angle :) Maybe TMI, but many have asked. Timothy takes a combination of formula and breast milk from a friend of mine. He is growing like a weed (as you can see from facebook pictures) and has doubled his birth weight already. He gives us little smiles here and there, but is a pretty serious kid. But his eyes, oh you can see so much in his eyes. They are bright and curious and you can just see him taking in everything around him as quickly as possible. He is laid back until he's hungry, then you KNOW he's hungry, and he makes the most adorable facial expressions and noises when he sleeps.
Our families simply love Timothy and he gets lots and lots of love all around.
As a mom, there are definitely days where I feel like I've failed. Like I don't have enough hands, enough attention, enough patience, enough determination, enough of myself to give adequately to both of my boys. There are days where we watch Frozen, sometimes twice, because I just need to get things done and one or the other needs me every moment. There are days where we just stay home in our jammies, stay in bed watching Wheels on the Bus till 9:00, and read books/play all day. My goal is to meet the emotional and physical needs of my boys. For now, that means we stay home a lot. We laugh, we learn together, we play, we count to ten and sing our ABC's 27 times in a row, we go to the park and we bond. While I have seen an attachment between Timothy and Josiah from the beginning it is important to me that their brotherly bond is strong and secure. This means a lot quality time together, just us. While I feel somewhat disconnected from our social group and I have days where I miss adult interaction, I feel more strongly about our family connection with Timothy so it's worth the sacrifice for now. I also feel strongly that Josiah feel secure in knowing that I will always come back to him. Because toddlers don't have the ability to articulate their feelings accurately we do not always give value to what they may be experiencing. When we returned from KY Josiah was very clingy and very concerned when I left him. I needed to use the past 2 months to re-establish his security that when I leave I will not stay gone for days or weeks on end. The time apart had more of an impact on him than I can say. It may not make sense to others, and it may not be obvious, but I know my first born. I know when he is worried, I know when he is scared or insecure, I know when he needs extra assurance. He is beginning to return to his normal self, looking forward to Sunday School and being OK with sitters. I am thankful for this change and our establishment of a new "normal."
How to help adoptive parents while they are traveling to get their little ones, stateside and internationally.
Transitions to multiple children from one.
Birth parent interactions and relationships.
Things people say and how I choose to respond.
Judgmental parenting.
Foster Care and how you can help.
Where to start?!
So I decided to start easy and cover the other topics as I have time.
Many of you have asked how things are going, so I want to do my best to give you a honest look at how life with my 2 boys has been the past 2 1/2 months.
First off, Josiah is doing fabulous! I cannot even begin to tell you the joy I felt at seeing him run down the hotel hallway in Kentucky! I also cannot begin to tell you the pain in my heart when he hid behind his daddy because he hadn't seen me in 17 days. Or how sad it made me to realize how quickly I had forgotten all the little details in his sweet face. Even watching videos of him and going through pictures multiple times a day, I had forgotten his round little face and how his sweet giggle sounded in my ears. Punch in the gut! How does a mother "forget" all of these little things so quickly?! How terrible must I be that my baby seemed so different to me in just a short amount of time?! However, this quickly faded. When we brought Josiah into the room to meet Timothy he didn't have much to say, but his actions told us quickly that he loved his baby brother. I held Josiah on my lap, then helped him hold Timothy. When Andy took Timothy away Josiah simply said "No." Not defiantly, not whiny, but a way that said "This is my brother and I'm not going to let him go." His connection and devotion to Timothy was immediate. He frequently wanted to know exactly where Timothy was and how he could help him feel better. We had a wonderful weekend with my grandparents, who traveled with Andy and Josiah. We went to an amazing park on the riverfront, walked around downtown, ate at a local restaurant, and had lots of snuggles in our room. It truly could not have gone any more smoothly. ICPC was cleared SO quickly after court and on Monday we were headed home! The boys traveled wonderfully and we got to sleep in our OWN beds...for 4 nights.
Our lives got hectic again for a few days as we traveled to KC for Andy's brother's wedding. We got to introduced Timothy to lots of extended family and Josiah performed perfectly in his role as ring bearer :)
When we returned, Timothy got a slight cold, but thankfully it didn't turn into anything serious and after a few days at home and some TLC from mommy, daddy and grandma he was feeling better.
2 weeks later we traveled to KC yet again for one of my best friend's wedding. Josiah got some great "mama-papa" time this weekend as well.
FINALLY, after this trip we were able to settle in as a family of 4 with a more "normal" schedule.
Josiah continued to check on Timothy frequently, making sure he had his paci, helping me feed him, standing close when I changed him, etc. The first time Josiah and I went somewhere without Timothy he said "We lost him! I miss my Timothy!" It was so sweet. Of course we have moments where Josiah wants my attention and has to wait, but overall I could not have imagined a smoother transition.
And Timothy. Well, he's just perfect :) He sleeps very well, waking only once a night (typically). He is super snuggly and his favorite thing is to hang out in the Moby wrap all cuddled in next to mommy. He also loves to lay on his boppy and look around. This is usually where he hangs out while I work out. I'm sure he's laughing on the inside at how ridiculous I look from that angle :) Maybe TMI, but many have asked. Timothy takes a combination of formula and breast milk from a friend of mine. He is growing like a weed (as you can see from facebook pictures) and has doubled his birth weight already. He gives us little smiles here and there, but is a pretty serious kid. But his eyes, oh you can see so much in his eyes. They are bright and curious and you can just see him taking in everything around him as quickly as possible. He is laid back until he's hungry, then you KNOW he's hungry, and he makes the most adorable facial expressions and noises when he sleeps.
Our families simply love Timothy and he gets lots and lots of love all around.
As a mom, there are definitely days where I feel like I've failed. Like I don't have enough hands, enough attention, enough patience, enough determination, enough of myself to give adequately to both of my boys. There are days where we watch Frozen, sometimes twice, because I just need to get things done and one or the other needs me every moment. There are days where we just stay home in our jammies, stay in bed watching Wheels on the Bus till 9:00, and read books/play all day. My goal is to meet the emotional and physical needs of my boys. For now, that means we stay home a lot. We laugh, we learn together, we play, we count to ten and sing our ABC's 27 times in a row, we go to the park and we bond. While I have seen an attachment between Timothy and Josiah from the beginning it is important to me that their brotherly bond is strong and secure. This means a lot quality time together, just us. While I feel somewhat disconnected from our social group and I have days where I miss adult interaction, I feel more strongly about our family connection with Timothy so it's worth the sacrifice for now. I also feel strongly that Josiah feel secure in knowing that I will always come back to him. Because toddlers don't have the ability to articulate their feelings accurately we do not always give value to what they may be experiencing. When we returned from KY Josiah was very clingy and very concerned when I left him. I needed to use the past 2 months to re-establish his security that when I leave I will not stay gone for days or weeks on end. The time apart had more of an impact on him than I can say. It may not make sense to others, and it may not be obvious, but I know my first born. I know when he is worried, I know when he is scared or insecure, I know when he needs extra assurance. He is beginning to return to his normal self, looking forward to Sunday School and being OK with sitters. I am thankful for this change and our establishment of a new "normal."
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Timeline, court and the heart
In an effort to remain honest and "real" about this experience I feel I have to put out there that when we received news of our court date my heart sank. In my head, I was going to be away from Josiah for two weeks. Our case is pretty open and shut. Both parents terminated rights in the hospital. No one has changed their mind. Papers were filed last Wednesday. Even with the courts being closed yesterday I was so hopeful we could get in my Friday at least. As of now our court date is Tuesday, March 11. This is 17 days after his birth. 14 days from hospital discharge. For a case as smooth as ours there is a part of me that is pretty frustrated with this timeline. But mostly, my heart is aching to be with Josiah. To hug him, play with him, hear his laugh, see his smile, say night night prayers, etc. After court we have to wait a couple more days before we can leave. This means that unless our date is moved closer (praying hard for that) I will be here 3 weeks, 21 days, before I get to go home to the rest of my family. I know I sound like I'm complaining, and I apologize for that. I would do this all over again for Timothy. I would and will fight for him, whatever it takes. But there is an enormous amount of hoops to jump. The system doesn't see all the factors and family dynamics. The fact that I've been away from my 2 year old for 2 weeks doesn't enter the equation. Or that I've been living in a hotel. Or that my husband is trying to work back home but stay connected here. These are the parts that only the family experiences. The emotionally exhausting part. Our experience is so easy compared to others. I know this. I know The Lord is in control and bigger than all of this. Everyone who enters this adoption journey experiences highs and lows and frustrations and rejoicing. I know I'm not alone. The purpose of this post is to be honest about where my heart is right now. For those considering adoption to understand the reality and prepare for the highs and lows, frustrations and rejoicing.
My heart is overwhelmed with joy and sadness equally at this moment, but when I get my family together it will all be worth it. Every single moment. I choose to cherish this a time with Timothy. I choose to be glad that Josiah is happy. I choose to be joyful that things are moving forward. I choose to trust that my Lord is in control and cares about my worries. He is sovereign and His timing is perfect.
My heart is overwhelmed with joy and sadness equally at this moment, but when I get my family together it will all be worth it. Every single moment. I choose to cherish this a time with Timothy. I choose to be glad that Josiah is happy. I choose to be joyful that things are moving forward. I choose to trust that my Lord is in control and cares about my worries. He is sovereign and His timing is perfect.
Saturday, March 1, 2014
The power of prayer
If the past week has taught me anything it's to truly trust in the power of prayer. The Lord has answered so many prayers for us....even ones we didn't know to pray.
Perfect timing when receiving the call that Timothy was on his way. From Andy's parents visiting to the fact that it was early enough that we can most likely be at the big wedding!!
A consistent schedule and wonderful love and care for Josiah while we are gone.
Protection of Josiah's heart being away from mommy and daddy.
Safety as we traveled 8 1/2 hours to the hospital and again for the 3 1/2 hours to the county where court occurs.
A safe and healthy delivery.
A smooth hospital experience.
A perfectly formed baby boy!
Time to pray with our birth parents.
Encouragement from hospital staff.
A clean bill of health at Timothy's follow up Dr. visit.
Financial gifts that gave helped tremendously.
My parents were able to visit for a day.
They made it home safely before the storm hits the Midwest.
....to name a few. So many of you have been faithful to pray with us through the ins and outs of this process so far. THANK YOU!!! Really. You all are awesome!
I ask now for continued prayers for the following...
A court date by Wednesday of this week.
That we would be able to head back to MO next weekend.
That the pending weather would not interfere with our case being seen by the judge.
Continued protection of Josiah and for this momma's heart being away from him for this long.
Again, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! Your support, be it verbal or prayer is felt and so appreciated. I am humbled continually that a God chose us for this experience. To be this sweet boy's family. It's truly amazing. I cannot wait to show him to you all!
Perfect timing when receiving the call that Timothy was on his way. From Andy's parents visiting to the fact that it was early enough that we can most likely be at the big wedding!!
A consistent schedule and wonderful love and care for Josiah while we are gone.
Protection of Josiah's heart being away from mommy and daddy.
Safety as we traveled 8 1/2 hours to the hospital and again for the 3 1/2 hours to the county where court occurs.
A safe and healthy delivery.
A smooth hospital experience.
A perfectly formed baby boy!
Time to pray with our birth parents.
Encouragement from hospital staff.
A clean bill of health at Timothy's follow up Dr. visit.
Financial gifts that gave helped tremendously.
My parents were able to visit for a day.
They made it home safely before the storm hits the Midwest.
....to name a few. So many of you have been faithful to pray with us through the ins and outs of this process so far. THANK YOU!!! Really. You all are awesome!
I ask now for continued prayers for the following...
A court date by Wednesday of this week.
That we would be able to head back to MO next weekend.
That the pending weather would not interfere with our case being seen by the judge.
Continued protection of Josiah and for this momma's heart being away from him for this long.
Again, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! Your support, be it verbal or prayer is felt and so appreciated. I am humbled continually that a God chose us for this experience. To be this sweet boy's family. It's truly amazing. I cannot wait to show him to you all!
Thursday, February 27, 2014
A little more from the past few days
I have a few more thoughts/ feelings from the past few days that I didn't write about yesterday but wanted to share. Sometimes it takes my brain longer to form words that go with my feelings than my heart does to make them. :)
First of all, the nurses at the hospital were so amazing! When you are in the middle of this unique situation it is easy to get frustrated or overwhelmed dealing with everything. They had to manage 2 sets of parents and a baby. Sometimes they didn't know exactly which room to go to and with their busy schedule I know this is inconvenient. I wish I could personally thank each of them! They were gracious, never showed frustration, loved on our little "peanut" as they nicknamed him, and were incredibly supportive of our family. A few asked genuine questions about adoption and our situation specifically, others just verbalized their support. It was truly incredible and I cannot express how their attitudes and care for us made the hospital stay so much better than expected. These few days had their own set of challenges as we made the transition of care for Timothy and all four parents shared in the joy of his presence. It's not typical...sharing your baby...but necessary, important, and crucial to open adoption in our case. While I know they won't see this I would like to thank these nurses from the bottom of my heart for their support and sensitivity!
Secondly, and maybe taboo, but I'll be honest anyway. I have seriously loved the past few days for so many reasons, but one that stands out is that I feel I have been able to truly experience this time with Timothy, rather than simply survive because I'm not recovering! My body and hormones aren't out of whack, I can work out, and I'm not on mind fuzzing medication. I can sit, walk, stand when and how I want, not fear the bathroom, and relax with my boy! I know this may sound selfish, but please bear with me. I do want to acknowledge that because I had the blessing of birthing our firstborn, I am not grieving a loss of infertility that others may. I do not say these things to diminish the reality of that pain. It is real and needs to be acknowledged. Attachment between mother and son when giving birth is natural. There is a familiarity from the beginning. With adoption, thus attachment needs to be nurtured and created intentionally. By having my mind and body in a stronger state than when I gave birth I feel I am better able to cultivate this attachment because I'm only focused on Timothy. I'm not having to think about taking care of myself in terms of healing or worry about all those pains associated with childbirth. (Since my audience is beyond mommies, I will stay vague, but those who have given birth and experienced some after birth healing complications know what I mean) I am so very thankful that I can focus all my attention on my newest little guy and nurture our bonding with purpose. In addition, I know my oldest is happy and very well cared for and not miserably missing us so I'm not torn with worry of his well being. (Though I miss him terribly and tear up when I hear him chatting away in the background when talking with family)
Last, but most importantly, I am so amazed at the tiny details God has answered! From Timothy's birth weigh to the time if birth and much more. I am humbled that He would love me enough to answer my tiny specific prayers so perfectly. I am thankful for the reminder that He cares for me like a Father cares for His child. He is faithful and I am undeserving of His great and wonderful love.
For now, we wait for a court date and pray for safe travels for my parents as they come visit this weekend. Thank you all for listening to my story :)
First of all, the nurses at the hospital were so amazing! When you are in the middle of this unique situation it is easy to get frustrated or overwhelmed dealing with everything. They had to manage 2 sets of parents and a baby. Sometimes they didn't know exactly which room to go to and with their busy schedule I know this is inconvenient. I wish I could personally thank each of them! They were gracious, never showed frustration, loved on our little "peanut" as they nicknamed him, and were incredibly supportive of our family. A few asked genuine questions about adoption and our situation specifically, others just verbalized their support. It was truly incredible and I cannot express how their attitudes and care for us made the hospital stay so much better than expected. These few days had their own set of challenges as we made the transition of care for Timothy and all four parents shared in the joy of his presence. It's not typical...sharing your baby...but necessary, important, and crucial to open adoption in our case. While I know they won't see this I would like to thank these nurses from the bottom of my heart for their support and sensitivity!
Secondly, and maybe taboo, but I'll be honest anyway. I have seriously loved the past few days for so many reasons, but one that stands out is that I feel I have been able to truly experience this time with Timothy, rather than simply survive because I'm not recovering! My body and hormones aren't out of whack, I can work out, and I'm not on mind fuzzing medication. I can sit, walk, stand when and how I want, not fear the bathroom, and relax with my boy! I know this may sound selfish, but please bear with me. I do want to acknowledge that because I had the blessing of birthing our firstborn, I am not grieving a loss of infertility that others may. I do not say these things to diminish the reality of that pain. It is real and needs to be acknowledged. Attachment between mother and son when giving birth is natural. There is a familiarity from the beginning. With adoption, thus attachment needs to be nurtured and created intentionally. By having my mind and body in a stronger state than when I gave birth I feel I am better able to cultivate this attachment because I'm only focused on Timothy. I'm not having to think about taking care of myself in terms of healing or worry about all those pains associated with childbirth. (Since my audience is beyond mommies, I will stay vague, but those who have given birth and experienced some after birth healing complications know what I mean) I am so very thankful that I can focus all my attention on my newest little guy and nurture our bonding with purpose. In addition, I know my oldest is happy and very well cared for and not miserably missing us so I'm not torn with worry of his well being. (Though I miss him terribly and tear up when I hear him chatting away in the background when talking with family)
Last, but most importantly, I am so amazed at the tiny details God has answered! From Timothy's birth weigh to the time if birth and much more. I am humbled that He would love me enough to answer my tiny specific prayers so perfectly. I am thankful for the reminder that He cares for me like a Father cares for His child. He is faithful and I am undeserving of His great and wonderful love.
For now, we wait for a court date and pray for safe travels for my parents as they come visit this weekend. Thank you all for listening to my story :)
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