Eek!! This weekend Andy and I will FINALLY travel to Kentucky to meet our son's birth parents! When we scheduled this meeting it seemed so far away. It felt like I had to wait an eternity to sit with them face to face. Now it's here. On Sunday at 11AM we will sit across a table from them and simply talk. Our social worker will be with us. Thank goodness! She will facilitate conversation and make sure we discuss everything we need to as well as provide support for all of us.
Can I just say that I am beyond excited for this! This past summer Andy and I started praying for two very specific things in regards to our adoption. The first, that the birth family would desire an open adoption. The second, that the birth father would be involved. And The Lord answered both of these prayers with a resounding yes! Yes, you will be matched with a family who desires an open adoption. Yes, your child's birth father will be involved and supportive of the adoption. How awesome is God?! The number of birth fathers involved in planning an adoption is very small so this is a rare and exciting situation!
We would greatly appreciate prayer for this weekend.
1) Safe travels-it's an 8 1/2 hour drive
2) Connection with the birth family
3) Clarity for questions we have
4) Clarity for questions they have
5) Peace as we move forward with the next steps in this journey.
And another request unrelated to the weekend: prayers for the remaining funds would be great!
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Adoption brain
Time is this really strange thing to me right now. On one hand, I want these next 8 weeks to fly by. I want to meet my baby boy! Hold him, snuggle him, tell him how much I love him. On the other hand, there is SO much to do and I literally get this panicked feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think about it all. And then I get even more panicked when I realize how much needs to be done that I simply cannot do until the moment it needs to happen. I know I said my words for the year were trust and release and while I am trying very very hard to do those things I would by lying if I said I was succeeding. Failing would be more like it. I find comfort in this: "Do not worry about tomorrow" says my God. I must frequently remind myself of my favorite verse and verse I have truly come to live by the past few years.
Philippians 4:8.
Finally brethren, whatsoever things are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, good report. Think on these things.
It really does help to examine my life and the events in it with respect to the qualities of this verse. However, that does not mean that I have figured out how to keep my heart from racing or the sick feeling in my stomach to go away when I think on what's to come.
Lately I have begun to fear what's to come as much as anticipate it. Will I be able to provide enough (fill in the blank) for TWO children? Will Josiah reject me when I bring his brother home? Will I know how to handle him when he acts out as a result of feeling neglected? Am I doing what I can now to prepare his precious mind for what's to come? Can I really survive on little to no sleep? How is being away from my two year old for possibly 10 days going to affect him? Me?
And along with what's to come...in 2 weeks we will meet this precious boy's birth parents. What if they don't like us after we meet them? Will they change their minds? What do I say to them? How will this meeting go?
I am generally a pretty confident person. And I must say that as this adoption gets closer and closer I have found a whole new side of myself. A ridiculously vulnerable side of myself. If I being honest, I don't really like this side of myself. The other part of me wants to look in the mirror and say suck it up. You will be fine. God has prepared you for this. No one does it perfectly. You have a great support system. And the person in the mirror wants to say "I know, BUT...." All of these things are true. I know that I am ready. I know that The Lord will guide me through the next few months and give me all the grace I need. I know that He has blessed me with the most amazing support system. I know.
So basically, there is a constant dialogue happening in my head and it is beginning to exhaust me. I write this not to sound whiny or complain. I could not be more excited for this new little guy! My heart is so full and I frequently go into his room just to imagine his presence here and to pray for him. My arms ache for him, just like my arms ached to hold Josiah weeks before he got there. I tell you this to be honest. I tell you this so I can process on paper what is happening in my head! I tell you this so you can understand where I'm at and that if I forget to do something or stare at you blankly you can chalk it up to "adoption brain" and just shake me :)
My apologies for the randomness that is this blog. I know it is selfish, but I needed to get it down in words. Please know that I am truly thankful, I am blessed beyond measure, I am not depressed, I am just a little overwhelmed and it helps to write it all down :) Thank you all for reading my words and for the prayers I know you are praying.
Philippians 4:8.
Finally brethren, whatsoever things are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, good report. Think on these things.
It really does help to examine my life and the events in it with respect to the qualities of this verse. However, that does not mean that I have figured out how to keep my heart from racing or the sick feeling in my stomach to go away when I think on what's to come.
Lately I have begun to fear what's to come as much as anticipate it. Will I be able to provide enough (fill in the blank) for TWO children? Will Josiah reject me when I bring his brother home? Will I know how to handle him when he acts out as a result of feeling neglected? Am I doing what I can now to prepare his precious mind for what's to come? Can I really survive on little to no sleep? How is being away from my two year old for possibly 10 days going to affect him? Me?
And along with what's to come...in 2 weeks we will meet this precious boy's birth parents. What if they don't like us after we meet them? Will they change their minds? What do I say to them? How will this meeting go?
I am generally a pretty confident person. And I must say that as this adoption gets closer and closer I have found a whole new side of myself. A ridiculously vulnerable side of myself. If I being honest, I don't really like this side of myself. The other part of me wants to look in the mirror and say suck it up. You will be fine. God has prepared you for this. No one does it perfectly. You have a great support system. And the person in the mirror wants to say "I know, BUT...." All of these things are true. I know that I am ready. I know that The Lord will guide me through the next few months and give me all the grace I need. I know that He has blessed me with the most amazing support system. I know.
So basically, there is a constant dialogue happening in my head and it is beginning to exhaust me. I write this not to sound whiny or complain. I could not be more excited for this new little guy! My heart is so full and I frequently go into his room just to imagine his presence here and to pray for him. My arms ache for him, just like my arms ached to hold Josiah weeks before he got there. I tell you this to be honest. I tell you this so I can process on paper what is happening in my head! I tell you this so you can understand where I'm at and that if I forget to do something or stare at you blankly you can chalk it up to "adoption brain" and just shake me :)
My apologies for the randomness that is this blog. I know it is selfish, but I needed to get it down in words. Please know that I am truly thankful, I am blessed beyond measure, I am not depressed, I am just a little overwhelmed and it helps to write it all down :) Thank you all for reading my words and for the prayers I know you are praying.
Friday, January 3, 2014
New Year, New Word?
I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and Happy Happy New Year! I have sat down to write this blog a number of times over the past week, but the words never seem to come to me. Today I figured I would just start writing and see what happens, so my apologies in advance if this is discombobulated :) There are a variety of things I want to discuss. So many thoughts in my head. At times it overwhelmes me as I try to sort through them all. Do you ever feel that way? I have more to do lists than I can count and multiple note pads for different areas of my life just to keep myself straight!
As this new year begins I have been doing lots of reflecting and a lot if looking ahead. Many people make resolutions, but that has never really been my "thing." Others choose a word to live by for the year. This is something I have been seriously pondering the past several days. There are two words that come to mind frequently: trust and release. Really these two words go together, because in order to fully TRUST The Lord with my worries, I must RELEASE control. Not cool. I like being in control. I don't like surprises. They stress me out. A plan relaxes me. Full disclosure is calming. Knowing all possible outcomes and how to get from point A to point B brings me more joy than I care to admit.
So when I began dissecting the ins and outs of our adoption I discovered my plan was not perfect. Surprise surprise, right?
I can't put in plan in place for who Josiah will be with on which days. TRUST, RELEASE. He will be well cared for.
I can't plan out who will take Josiah on what day to KC for the wedding. TRUST, RELEASE. He will get there.
I can't book a hotel because I have no idea when "M" (birth mom) will go into labor. TRUST, RELEASE. There will be a room somewhere.
I can't plan for meals because I don't know if we will be able to get a room with capabilities to cook or heat anything. TRUST, RELEASE. You won't starve.
Mostly, I have no idea where we will get the last $4,000 needed 5 weeks from now, as my original
plan has not come to fruition. TRUST, RELEASE. The Lord will provide.
This list doesn't include so many other minor details, or even touch on life after baby, but it hits the big ones.
While I believe I need to trust my Lord, the bible tells me to with all my heart. I also believe in prayerfully doing my part to make things happen that need to. So, we are going through storage and deciding what we can sell to make a bit more cash. (See link below) T shirt orders are placed so we will be passing those out as soon as they come in. THANK YOU to all who ordered. Message me on Facebook with your address if you live somewhere besides KC or Springfield so I can mail yours once they come in. We also have a donation account set up for anyone who may want to be involved with adoption, but unable to bring a child into your home right now. (Also, see below).
I have researched hotels so I have an idea what's available.
I have talked to family members who are more than willing to care for Josiah while we are away.
So my words, for the next few months at least, are TRUST (in The Lord my God) and RELEASE control (to allow God to work His perfect plan)
What is your word or resolution?
http://springfield.craigslist.org/for/4270895421.html
http://www.gofundme.com/Castro-Adoption
As this new year begins I have been doing lots of reflecting and a lot if looking ahead. Many people make resolutions, but that has never really been my "thing." Others choose a word to live by for the year. This is something I have been seriously pondering the past several days. There are two words that come to mind frequently: trust and release. Really these two words go together, because in order to fully TRUST The Lord with my worries, I must RELEASE control. Not cool. I like being in control. I don't like surprises. They stress me out. A plan relaxes me. Full disclosure is calming. Knowing all possible outcomes and how to get from point A to point B brings me more joy than I care to admit.
So when I began dissecting the ins and outs of our adoption I discovered my plan was not perfect. Surprise surprise, right?
I can't put in plan in place for who Josiah will be with on which days. TRUST, RELEASE. He will be well cared for.
I can't plan out who will take Josiah on what day to KC for the wedding. TRUST, RELEASE. He will get there.
I can't book a hotel because I have no idea when "M" (birth mom) will go into labor. TRUST, RELEASE. There will be a room somewhere.
I can't plan for meals because I don't know if we will be able to get a room with capabilities to cook or heat anything. TRUST, RELEASE. You won't starve.
Mostly, I have no idea where we will get the last $4,000 needed 5 weeks from now, as my original
plan has not come to fruition. TRUST, RELEASE. The Lord will provide.
This list doesn't include so many other minor details, or even touch on life after baby, but it hits the big ones.
While I believe I need to trust my Lord, the bible tells me to with all my heart. I also believe in prayerfully doing my part to make things happen that need to. So, we are going through storage and deciding what we can sell to make a bit more cash. (See link below) T shirt orders are placed so we will be passing those out as soon as they come in. THANK YOU to all who ordered. Message me on Facebook with your address if you live somewhere besides KC or Springfield so I can mail yours once they come in. We also have a donation account set up for anyone who may want to be involved with adoption, but unable to bring a child into your home right now. (Also, see below).
I have researched hotels so I have an idea what's available.
I have talked to family members who are more than willing to care for Josiah while we are away.
So my words, for the next few months at least, are TRUST (in The Lord my God) and RELEASE control (to allow God to work His perfect plan)
What is your word or resolution?
http://springfield.craigslist.org/for/4270895421.html
http://www.gofundme.com/Castro-Adoption
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Getting closer!
Our son is due in just 13 weeks! Oh my goodness! When I think of all there is to do between now and then my heart jumps around with excitement, panic, worry, happiness, then I eat chocolate :)
I have spent the past week baking the perfect goodies to send to his birth parents and trying to come up with the perfect words to write in their Christmas card, which choosing in and of itself had me shaking in the card aisle in Target. Literally, my hands were shaking and my heart was pounding trying to choose the perfect one. I don't know if I did, but the package is mailed now so there is no turning back!
So in the next thirteen weeks we will celebrate Christmas (twice), undecorate the house, host Andy's amazing parents for a weekend, host another set of fantastic friends another weekend, I will host 2 wedding showers, visit tiny boy's birth parents (eek!), paint Josiah's room, get Josiah a fancy shirt and tie so he can walk down the aisle in Andy's brother, Adam's wedding, (still praying i can be there!) restock the new nursery with tiny diapers and diaper cream, get the bassinet ready to go, set up the swing (lifesaver when Josiah was tiny), pack a go bag, pack up baby necessities for a potential 2 week stay in a hotel with a newborn, lose the last 10-15lbs I can't seem to shed, and of course, keep up with all the day to day life.
While the above are things to DO they pale in comparison to what is going on in my mind. I swear I have pregnancy brain again. I may not be making a baby but I am most certainly expecting one! I have been forgetting the simplest things and finding myself struggling to stay present while planning for 2 months from now. What will our first meeting with our birth parents look like? Will they still like us? What do I say? What should I wear? Why does that even matter? Should we take a gift? What gift can we possibly give that would accurately portray what I want to say to them? And what about when he is born? Will we get to see him right away? Will all 4 of his parents be together at any point? Will his birth mom ask the court to let us take care of him immediately instead of going to respite care for a week or two? If she doesn't, how much will we gt to see him the first days of his life? So. Many. Questions.
So forgive me if my blogs are jumbled, I forget to return a phone call, or I just seem out of it. My brain is a hot mess right now! Haha! I ask for grace :)
I am loving the prep, loving the anticipation, loving the excitement, loving the little boy growing inside his other mother.
I have spent the past week baking the perfect goodies to send to his birth parents and trying to come up with the perfect words to write in their Christmas card, which choosing in and of itself had me shaking in the card aisle in Target. Literally, my hands were shaking and my heart was pounding trying to choose the perfect one. I don't know if I did, but the package is mailed now so there is no turning back!
So in the next thirteen weeks we will celebrate Christmas (twice), undecorate the house, host Andy's amazing parents for a weekend, host another set of fantastic friends another weekend, I will host 2 wedding showers, visit tiny boy's birth parents (eek!), paint Josiah's room, get Josiah a fancy shirt and tie so he can walk down the aisle in Andy's brother, Adam's wedding, (still praying i can be there!) restock the new nursery with tiny diapers and diaper cream, get the bassinet ready to go, set up the swing (lifesaver when Josiah was tiny), pack a go bag, pack up baby necessities for a potential 2 week stay in a hotel with a newborn, lose the last 10-15lbs I can't seem to shed, and of course, keep up with all the day to day life.
While the above are things to DO they pale in comparison to what is going on in my mind. I swear I have pregnancy brain again. I may not be making a baby but I am most certainly expecting one! I have been forgetting the simplest things and finding myself struggling to stay present while planning for 2 months from now. What will our first meeting with our birth parents look like? Will they still like us? What do I say? What should I wear? Why does that even matter? Should we take a gift? What gift can we possibly give that would accurately portray what I want to say to them? And what about when he is born? Will we get to see him right away? Will all 4 of his parents be together at any point? Will his birth mom ask the court to let us take care of him immediately instead of going to respite care for a week or two? If she doesn't, how much will we gt to see him the first days of his life? So. Many. Questions.
So forgive me if my blogs are jumbled, I forget to return a phone call, or I just seem out of it. My brain is a hot mess right now! Haha! I ask for grace :)
I am loving the prep, loving the anticipation, loving the excitement, loving the little boy growing inside his other mother.
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
A quick thanks and plea for help
Whew! Where to start?
First off, thank you to everyone who has ordered a shirt so far! What a blessing you are. Seriously. I will take orders for one more week, so if you haven't ordered yet, make your way over to my Facebook page and comment your size on the shirt you want!
Secondly, and more importantly, there is a little girl in Congo right now who desperately needs your (our) help! This sweet 3 year old was whipped, beaten, burned and possibly poisoned because her extended family/caregivers believed she was a witch. She needs immediate medical attention beyond what she can receive where she is. You can read the details of her story at ABIcongo.blogspot.com. There are a couple of blog posts about her situation. Please, please, please read her story and contact Jenny Lotz at lotzfam@att.net if you can help. She needs a hospital willing to treat her at a free or reduced rate and/or a commitment of $100,000 in order to get a medical visa to be brought here.
Please pass this info on to anyone who may be able to help!
Third, there is news to share regarding forward steps with our adoption, but right now we need to focus on saving this sweet little girl's life. I will post again in a few days and update you all on our journey. Thank you for your prayers for us, our friends, and the sweet orphans, babies, and birth parents around the world. They are felt and appreciated greatly.
First off, thank you to everyone who has ordered a shirt so far! What a blessing you are. Seriously. I will take orders for one more week, so if you haven't ordered yet, make your way over to my Facebook page and comment your size on the shirt you want!
Secondly, and more importantly, there is a little girl in Congo right now who desperately needs your (our) help! This sweet 3 year old was whipped, beaten, burned and possibly poisoned because her extended family/caregivers believed she was a witch. She needs immediate medical attention beyond what she can receive where she is. You can read the details of her story at ABIcongo.blogspot.com. There are a couple of blog posts about her situation. Please, please, please read her story and contact Jenny Lotz at lotzfam@att.net if you can help. She needs a hospital willing to treat her at a free or reduced rate and/or a commitment of $100,000 in order to get a medical visa to be brought here.
Please pass this info on to anyone who may be able to help!
Third, there is news to share regarding forward steps with our adoption, but right now we need to focus on saving this sweet little girl's life. I will post again in a few days and update you all on our journey. Thank you for your prayers for us, our friends, and the sweet orphans, babies, and birth parents around the world. They are felt and appreciated greatly.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
T shirts!!
Imagine if...every child was loved, cared for, fed, clothed, given hope, wanted, chosen
These are the words on the t shirts we are selling to help with adoption costs.
Cared for, fed, clothed, given hope, wanted, chosen.
Are these not things we all need? Want? Deserve? Jesus provides me (us) with these things every single day. He has blessed me with a husband who works hard to provide me with food, clothing, shelter. He loves me unconditionally. He wants a relationship with me. He CHOSE me. How forever grateful I am for these things. That HE would love me enough to choose me? He commands us to care for the widows and orphans. Why would I not choose to follow the commandments of the One who adopted me?
This does not mean that if you do not choose adoption you are disobeying God's command. However, if you choose to not be involved at all....
Like I have said before, be involved. Even to simply pray or support friends and family pursuing adoption. Ask genuine questions. Do not make assumptions. Hug adoptive mommies and tell them they will make it. Ask how to pray for their situation specifically. And when they bring their babies home; care for, love, and support those babies. They are now a part of their forever family.
Imagine if...every child was loved, cared for, fed, clothed, given hope, wanted, chosen.
Since I'm having issues navigating the picture additions on this blog, you can find the 4 design options on my Facebook page. Hopefully I will be able to get them on here soon. $15, adult sizes S-2XL. Comment on the picture with the size you want and I will add it to the order.
These are the words on the t shirts we are selling to help with adoption costs.
Cared for, fed, clothed, given hope, wanted, chosen.
Are these not things we all need? Want? Deserve? Jesus provides me (us) with these things every single day. He has blessed me with a husband who works hard to provide me with food, clothing, shelter. He loves me unconditionally. He wants a relationship with me. He CHOSE me. How forever grateful I am for these things. That HE would love me enough to choose me? He commands us to care for the widows and orphans. Why would I not choose to follow the commandments of the One who adopted me?
This does not mean that if you do not choose adoption you are disobeying God's command. However, if you choose to not be involved at all....
Like I have said before, be involved. Even to simply pray or support friends and family pursuing adoption. Ask genuine questions. Do not make assumptions. Hug adoptive mommies and tell them they will make it. Ask how to pray for their situation specifically. And when they bring their babies home; care for, love, and support those babies. They are now a part of their forever family.
Imagine if...every child was loved, cared for, fed, clothed, given hope, wanted, chosen.
Since I'm having issues navigating the picture additions on this blog, you can find the 4 design options on my Facebook page. Hopefully I will be able to get them on here soon. $15, adult sizes S-2XL. Comment on the picture with the size you want and I will add it to the order.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Taboo topic- part 2
Since I couldn't add anymore to my last post for some reason, I'll finish here.
Anticipated costs:
Travel to meet birth parents: $1,200
Agency/termination of parental rights fees: $21,500
Travel when our son is born: $2,000
Post placement visits (x3): $750
Legal: $5,000
Fees remaining for adoption 1: 30,450
Travel for adoption 2 with placement agency: $2,000
Legal: $7,000
Post placement visits: $750
Fees remaining for adoption 2: $9,750
Approximate cost of adoption from Haiti: $46,000
To sum up:
Adoption one total: $42,364
Adoption two total: $21,750
Adoption three total: $46,000 (approx)
Crazy!? Yes. Worth it?! Yes. This is the path we have chosen. There are other ways to adopt that are less expensive. Our current adoption is significantly more expensive than typical due to another agencies involvement and the extensive needs of our birth family.
So, as I mentioned the other day. The band, Berch, is playing a show Friday night at Nathan P. Murphy's at 8:30. All proceeds from this "name your cover" event go toward our adoption and the adoption of our friends, the Lotz. (Yay for their little girl waiting in Congo!)
Also, our amazing T-shirts will be ready this week so keep an eye out for those and get your order in quick. Our super talented friend, Eric Liles, designed our shirts and he gave so many fantastic options that I could only narrow down to 4 so you'll be sure to find one that matches your style!
Anticipated costs:
Travel to meet birth parents: $1,200
Agency/termination of parental rights fees: $21,500
Travel when our son is born: $2,000
Post placement visits (x3): $750
Legal: $5,000
Fees remaining for adoption 1: 30,450
Travel for adoption 2 with placement agency: $2,000
Legal: $7,000
Post placement visits: $750
Fees remaining for adoption 2: $9,750
Approximate cost of adoption from Haiti: $46,000
To sum up:
Adoption one total: $42,364
Adoption two total: $21,750
Adoption three total: $46,000 (approx)
Crazy!? Yes. Worth it?! Yes. This is the path we have chosen. There are other ways to adopt that are less expensive. Our current adoption is significantly more expensive than typical due to another agencies involvement and the extensive needs of our birth family.
So, as I mentioned the other day. The band, Berch, is playing a show Friday night at Nathan P. Murphy's at 8:30. All proceeds from this "name your cover" event go toward our adoption and the adoption of our friends, the Lotz. (Yay for their little girl waiting in Congo!)
Also, our amazing T-shirts will be ready this week so keep an eye out for those and get your order in quick. Our super talented friend, Eric Liles, designed our shirts and he gave so many fantastic options that I could only narrow down to 4 so you'll be sure to find one that matches your style!
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